Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal,...

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 319

You deserved it 5 530

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 958

You deserved it 9 574

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 886

You deserved it 7 509

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 299

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 429

You deserved it 43 458

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 153

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 255

Grow up

By BigKid - 28/01/2021 21:30

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 1 140

By Detroitman125 - 10/11/2018 03:00

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 706

You deserved it 233

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 460

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 7 734

cradle6 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:31

Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:30

I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.

Comments

SkyDevil 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 17:09

You took the last chocolate egg? ..... You bastard!!!

MykalaMonae 7

Wednesday 11 April 2012 17:27

We got a bad ass on our hands ????

_MariaaLovesYou_ 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 18:30

Lol I love your parents!! :P

bowlbarger 1

Wednesday 11 April 2012 19:34

.... Do we have the same family?

RogueWarrior869 23

Wednesday 11 April 2012 19:56

And yet who still got the last chocolate egg? You still win in this scenario. Congrats!

BlAzEtHiS 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 20:23

That's harsh

HunterAlpha1 8

Wednesday 11 April 2012 21:43

wow, if that's the case, then i'm totally ******!

purebliss7 6

Thursday 12 April 2012 7:01

no! not the last chocolate egg. you monster. you are gin to land your self behinde bars if you dont stop this behavior.

laurenmacias 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 7:53

Oohs hard core criminal

cmac86 23

Thursday 12 April 2012 9:27

That must have been some damn good chocolate.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 285

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 263

You deserved it 14 936

The Top

Today, I realized how little my husband, son and I mean to my in-laws. We were somehow left off the distribution list for my sister-in-law's birthday party. I even texted her to wish her well. It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the fifth consecutive family event we were left out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 330

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 708

You deserved it 3 268

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 799

You deserved it 118

Today, It’s been six years since I graduated high school. My peers in my grade never included me socially, and lots talked down on me or behind my back growing up. My self esteem was ruined and I’ve been pushed into dead end jobs; meanwhile lots of my bullies are now travelling and/or successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 358

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 505

You deserved it 337

Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 482