Intimacy: Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping...

By lukas - 11/01/2014 00:24 - Canada - Lyndhurst

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 919

You deserved it 8 478

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By TooLoud - 31/05/2015 00:12 - United States - Moorpark

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 086

You deserved it 2 996

By AirOne - 12/11/2008 14:39 - United States

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 661

You deserved it 10 818

Bitches, amirite?

By Sergeant Bri - 16/07/2023 09:00 - United States - Norwood

Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 279

By Barking Mad - 04/08/2013 11:21 - Australia - Revesby

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 904

You deserved it 7 704

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Hayward

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 109

You deserved it 3 815

By pear8head - 08/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 291

You deserved it 5 906

Good night, sleep tight

By sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 188

Quiet

By Deborah - 27/10/2011 06:41 - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 841

You deserved it 40 517

Yappy neighborhood

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 14:00

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 374

JasonUMN 15

Saturday 11 January 2014 5:28

You're taking doggy style to a whole different level!

syki 22

Saturday 11 January 2014 5:26

May I suggest a muzzle?

Comments

martin8337 35

Saturday 11 January 2014 15:15

Is she like the girl in Porky's?

vikky538 28

Saturday 11 January 2014 15:23

its time for more blow jobs.. lol

rlb123 6

Saturday 11 January 2014 15:46

Asshole

Cagara_fml 10

Saturday 11 January 2014 17:00

most probably he knew that it wasn't a dog barking, he told you so out of courtesy

Alexthegreat475 13

Saturday 11 January 2014 21:27

Hey, if you ever break up, you have something against her. Heh... I'm sorry, that was mean.

hgore95 3

Saturday 11 January 2014 23:57

Doesn't matter, had sex

Hypnotic5206 10

Sunday 12 January 2014 8:14

Lol u need a new gf lol

somuchfeels 11

Sunday 12 January 2014 20:56

At least you're getting laid.

Saikon1357 25

Sunday 12 January 2014 23:57

Pet play to another level

Fotch2013 4

Monday 13 January 2014 2:27

take that as a compliment

jessicarenee_x 4

Tuesday 14 January 2014 0:09

you're obviously doing something right..

Keywords

Work Mental health Students Relatable Parenting Kids Awkward Love Embarrassing Intimacy Family Wanker AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Bodyshaming Cops Transportation Cars Sex Sexism Growing old Health Periods Job interview Education

The Top

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend, and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 737

You deserved it 61 296

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 644

You deserved it 798 133

The Top

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 192

You deserved it 4 192

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 053

You deserved it 4 315

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 273

You deserved it 3 040

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 289

You deserved it 7 200

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 35 378

Today, at my annual checkup, the doc looks down at my foot and says, "Oh, you have an extra toenail. Six, huh?" Then sort of scraping at the side of my foot below the pinky toe, he pulls off a long piece of dead, dried skin and says, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 060

You deserved it 6 361