Intimacy: Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that...

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 388

You deserved it 6 762

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By ToiletTroubles - 03/07/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 111

You deserved it 3 124

Crockery story

By WasteOfOxygen08 - 23/06/2019 04:34

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 2 453

Dirty talk

By Noname - 02/01/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 520

You deserved it 38 553

By kira - 02/10/2012 10:29 - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 7 900

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 797

You deserved it 7 643

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 441

You deserved it 3 683

Insane parents

By mermyth - 28/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 129

I am hungry

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 3 154

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 518

You deserved it 62 891

that1guyyy 12

Thursday 18 August 2011 8:42

is that the new name for penis juice now?

BoredUnicorn 6

Thursday 18 August 2011 8:41

Nasty

Comments

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 18 August 2011 8:48

Tissues are wonderful plops from heaven used to conceal your gross or kinky masturbation habits. If you're anything like me ( a *****, 2 stuffed animals, and a whip) you'll need about 3. Not that hard to reach over and get one.

androiddestroya 7

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:06

just gotta say, I love your profile pic xD.

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:10

GTFO ANDRIODDESTROYA I'M DOING SCIENCE

androiddestroya 7

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:18

... you mad bro? trololololol :)) jk jk ily dude

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:20

-33 Anal is $10.. In case you love me in that sorta way. If not I'm sorry I offended you, an your sexuality.

androiddestroya 7

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:25

I would TOTALLY go both ways for you! :D do you take singles? :O

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:31

-43 only if they're heads in a jar!

androiddestroya 7

Thursday 18 August 2011 9:37

are the shrunken heads of past enemies acceptable? :O I got everyone from Justin beiber to the neighborhood chihuahua that I have staring contests with..... he's undefeated for the record....