Intimacy: Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian,...

By whovian - 25/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Gorham

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 536

You deserved it 4 621

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Same thing different taste

By djl - 20/12/2012 05:30 - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 15 361

By Anonymous - 16/07/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 702

You deserved it 15 193

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 276

You deserved it 2 447

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 299

You deserved it 9 907

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 161

You deserved it 564

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 3 415

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 976

You deserved it 53 790

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 549

You deserved it 3 394

Then it dawned on me…

By Bad dad - 14/08/2022 22:00

Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 191

tipsy2013 24

Friday 26 December 2014 3:44

I think OP's mom was telling her to go screw herself.

teentee401 36

Friday 26 December 2014 0:27

Whovian. A fan of the show Doctor Who.

Comments

CharlotteRefer 10

Tuesday 30 December 2014 1:02

Hope it's not from a thrift store then...

LadyNightowl 17

Thursday 1 January 2015 7:39

Oh geez. This makes me glad my parents are Whovians too, so I get appropriate Doctor Who themed gifts every year.

AngelApocalypse 12

Thursday 1 January 2015 12:31

I'm a whovian too! I really cannot imagine a ***** looking like a sonic screwdriver haha. Does it at least make the sound? :P

lonerlarry123 12

Thursday 1 January 2015 23:09

Awkward

Chrisseruss 13

Friday 2 January 2015 4:42

You can sonic-screw yourself XD

sexyg 0

Sunday 4 January 2015 10:50

use a dick instead of a *****..?

TheDoctor0914 13

Monday 5 January 2015 9:09

Fellow whovian its alright i got adipose anal beeds for christmas

ThuNDeY 23

Tuesday 20 January 2015 22:45

So? Did you use it???

DalekWarrior26 9

Sunday 8 March 2015 3:26

still is a sonic screwdriver

sortablondish 7

Thursday 26 November 2015 7:56

i want one! just kidding. I want a real sonic....i only have a knockoff...OOOOOOH!! or the sonic sunglasses!

Keywords

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Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 877

You deserved it 4 126

Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 221

The Top

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 42 920

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 097

You deserved it 2 254

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 3 864

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747

You deserved it 5 801

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 325

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 617

You deserved it 7 532

Same thing different taste

Prank war W

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Then it dawned on me…

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