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scoobysnarks Say more :
OP here. Look, there are LOTS of choices I *could* make, many of which have been offered here. There's nothing inherently wrong in a lot of the suggestions - they're just not suggestions I'm interested in following, honestly. I love my wife. I don't love anyone else; finding another outlet or a replacement for my beloved just isn't something I'm interested in. It's not that she's unsympathetic, necessarily, as much as it's just not something she can do or address; she has her own issues, and they're a big deal to both of us. I can't talk to her about it, because of her issues - it's just too much pressure on her, and I'm not willing to put that on her. I'd far rather bear the burden of my own problems than put them on her. Thanks for the empathy and comments.
By scoobysnarks - / Thursday 24 September 2015 11:49 / United States - Raleigh
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By  Feklfekl2222  |  32

If that's the case have a conversation with her about whether she minds you wanking, I'm sure she won't? Hopefully she'll be flattered that you want to have sex with her even if she has no interest. Wanking isn't the same but it seems a better solution than your current one. I hope her ailment is one that will pass and you can have sex again at some point

Comments
By  slithermein  |  5

Glad you're caring for your wife's needs too

By  Feklfekl2222  |  32

If that's the case have a conversation with her about whether she minds you wanking, I'm sure she won't? Hopefully she'll be flattered that you want to have sex with her even if she has no interest. Wanking isn't the same but it seems a better solution than your current one. I hope her ailment is one that will pass and you can have sex again at some point

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  tygerarmy  |  35

Masturbation is fine. But if the wife can't have vaginal sex, can she also not have other kinds of sex? Even her beating her husband off is better than him having to do it himself every time.

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  Feklfekl2222  |  32

Although it's not a physical ailment I'm guessing his wife is on antidepressants which are completely suppressing her sex drive, so there's a chance she wouldn't even be interested in helping him out there

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  Redgy22  |  25

I'm sure he does things he's not interested in for her. It's called a marriage.

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  Grimmerie  |  31

I'm surprised no one has suggested bringing up a sexually open marriage? I have a friend who's asexual, they will never, ever have an interest in sex, but partner wants sex. Their partner satisfies their physical needs with a close friend, and the relationship remains committed and monogamous emotionally.

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  Feklfekl2222  |  32

Good idea Grimmerie, I didn't think of that. There's a chance OP won't be open to that either, there are a lot of people who only want sex with the person they're with

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  Grimmerie  |  31

True, I totally get that some folks only want to have sex with one person. Monogamy works for a lot of people! It's just a suggestion for a different way of looking at relationships c:

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  Queen_of_Night  |  20

#56 "they never want sex" Asexual here. You statement is untrue. Every Ace is different, and every relationship is different. Many Asexuals have a healthy sex life and even enjoy sex, they just do not experience sexual attraction (the "OMG THAT PERSON! I AM SO GOING TO FUCK THAT PERSON!" feeling). Other Aces will have sex to please their partner. Only repulsed Aces are generally not down with any sort of sex. Many asexuals that I know are opposed to open relationships, even repulsed Aces. We also don't know what the wife is sick with and hubby saying he wants to bang other women while she's not feeling and not looking her best could back fire. If she has depression or cancer it could read that OP wants to move on.

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  Callyn  |  43

I doubt that the poster you are replying to was talking about all asexuals. It sounds like their friend doesn't want to ever have sex, which is an entirely different thing.

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  Grimmerie  |  31

Hi 77! Sorry my comment was worded in an unclear way. I was talking specifically about my friend, who uses they/them pronouns. Myself and all of my partners are on the ace spectrum as well and we all have different opinions about having sex. I hope that clears that up!

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  capnbzarr  |  43

@77, If you enjoy having sex, then you are not "asexual". The prefix "a-" means "not". Thus, to be asexual, you can't even want to have sex even every once in a while.

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  fmlstarterkit  |  13

fleshlight as an anniversary/birthday/christmas present?

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  S2s  |  3

Physical ailments aren't always treatable (within reasonable means). My wife had her ovaries removed so all interest in sex is gone and intercourse is painful, but she still loves to cuddle and we still make some time together.

By  david66_fml  |  20

Seeing as everyone else is trying, pegging is an option. But on a serious not that sucks and you're a great husband for dealing with that. Maybe see if every now and then you guys can come to a compromise

By  MegasaurusRex89  |  28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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Obviously, he represses himself for her because he does not want to burden her. That shows that he cares. Sex is not everything, but a relationship is mind, body, and soul. A lack in any of these departments will lead to dissatisfaction, and that's ok. Doesn't make OP a bad person.

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  derangedplanet  |  23

also, can we mention that punching yourself in the penis? that can't feel good. how cold of you to assume he's a bad husband when clearly he's trying. also not to be a bitch but have you ever seen maslovs hierarchy of needs? sex is on there. he's right about the mind, BODY and soul. and two of those three things are easily increased by sex.

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  smf_ds  |  4

His mental and emotional health is involved too, you know? He's totally normal for wanting to have sex. and the fact that he's not cheating on his wife is a proof that he is keeping his shit together... Keep om working, OP. Patience is the key. ;)

By  Darkness_Hate  |  27

Sex is actually a part of a married couple. If your wife can't fulfill it and if it does not get any better, you can divorce (of course if there's not other possibilities). I sympathize with you.

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  Darkness_Hate  |  27

I said if it doesn't get any better (imagine the case where this situation is permanent, that's what I meant).

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  jadalaheart  |  23

By that same argument anyone whose married to a deployed soldier has the right to divorce them due to the fact that they can't have sex with them, it's completely irrational, and completely unfair to the spouse.

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  hyperbole1729  |  1

There is no such thing as "wife duties" and thinking that is incredibly sexist! Sex is not necessarily a part of a married couple and is in no way an obligation to be fulfilled

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  katachristic  |  19

#39 I think that was a reference to the Bible. Technically it says that if a marriage isn't consummated, it can be annulled. I don't think that flies under US law though. With regards to the soldier thing, I believe there is a way you can get a divorce if they've been gone long enough but it doesn't make it less scummy.

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  randomname98  |  22

#39, I think there are both "wife duties" and husband duties. They are both the same thing: to love, care for, and support each other, unless marriage vows and general good relationships are "incredibly sexist."

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  DoomedGemini  |  37

I don't think that's what they meant, I think they mean separating it. Like "a wife's duty is to cook for her husband". I think most people understand that what you said are their duties to each other, it's just separating it into one has to do this and the other does this.

By  JerryClark  |  17

Whatever you do, Craigslist is evil. Stay far away

By  jenninator93  |  18

If your wife is emotionally mature, she should understand masturbation is normal and healthy. It's great that you are considerate to her condition, but take care of yourself as well!

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  gongs99  |  11

No it's not

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  clemsi  |  20

64 Either A: You're trolling and are going about it in the laziest way. or B: You're willfully ignorant about how your body works and of the massive amounts of studies that have shown that masturbation has benefits on par with a steady workout regimen.

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