Today, my love life evolved. My wife left me. FML

If you're going to call them historical at least have them be historically accurate! How about: "Today, I got rejected from the University of Southern California. Again. For the third time. FML"- Steven Spielberg

Symphoniaes 32

Monday 2 May 2016 20:39

Please stop. ._.

naviajack626 16

Monday 2 May 2016 20:40

Should have been, "survival of the fittest at its finest as my wife left me for a fitter man".

KelseyDaBoyz 21

Monday 2 May 2016 21:49

These are dumb

vanaathiel 13

Monday 2 May 2016 23:58

These are stupid

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 2 837

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 561

The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 283

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 328

You deserved it 203

Today, I discovered that, according to her primary doctor, my mom never had cancer. That explains why she has the new iPhone, a plethora of designer purses, and a brand new Tesla. Turns out, I’ve been fueling her shopping spree habit, rather than her “cancer and chemotherapy treatments.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 116

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 371

You deserved it 3 840

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 719

You deserved it 4 408

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 268

You deserved it 3 684