Intimacy: Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 842

You deserved it 1 595

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Same thing different taste

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 411

You deserved it 7 432

iTouch

By lonely girl - 02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 369

You deserved it 22 818

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 146

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 663

You deserved it 83 297

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 359

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 483

You deserved it 19 813

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 57 235

Gimme the D

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 11:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 208

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 5 237

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 574

You deserved it 6 207

wanted_2_want 40

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:09

Did it ask you "is it in yet"??

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:11

You do have another one, or would that be cheating?

Comments

gosh_mate 30

Wednesday 25 January 2017 10:20

Did it then feel like someone else's hand was doing it?

randomusername00 5

Wednesday 25 January 2017 23:24

I guess you didn't see that one coming

player69badboy 0

Thursday 26 January 2017 1:52

You need some lessons ???

daveshira 3

Thursday 26 January 2017 8:49

If you intentionally sit on your hand until it falls asleep, then it'll feel like someone else. You're welcone

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

wickedgetz 30

Friday 28 April 2017 20:24

did you do it properly?

wtfmldude 5

Monday 24 July 2017 6:31

''I cant feel my dick.'' *mom walks by* ''I meant hand. Well Shit.''

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 457

You deserved it 2 906

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 270

The Top

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 8 079

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 185

You deserved it 119 344

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 100

You deserved it 5 616

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 140

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 236

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 754

You deserved it 10 164