Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw...

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 129

You deserved it 6 494

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 347

You deserved it 2 771

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 429

You deserved it 4 435

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 175

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 328

By mom - 26/01/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 931

You deserved it 10 131

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 878

You deserved it 8 362

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 572

You deserved it 4 369

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 3 456

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/06/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 924

You deserved it 32 589

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 855

You deserved it 3 418

PoshLife_Cross 5

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:07

That's cute.

xlittlemiss 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:07

LOL. Well you can't blame her. She's only 5.

Comments

xii_clueless 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 5:24

At least she made it to the bathroom?

cdogLuvs2golf 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 5:33

She won that battle

bnancrazy55 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 6:31

should of helped her. shes only 5. but it happens

nvo 6

Sunday 18 December 2011 7:35

At least it went down on tiles - not carpet or her bed. Poor kid ... don't blame her.

conniejoy529 10

Sunday 18 December 2011 7:43

cute but still disgusting

maddyyghee 6

Sunday 18 December 2011 8:28

She did as she was told :)

mnw2011 10

Sunday 18 December 2011 8:29

this happens to sooo many people! it's horrible. lol

Teehee123654_fml 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 9:08

18 - I'm a blonde and I have a grade average of 96

thejedi08 10

Sunday 18 December 2011 10:12

um... didnt you ever thing you need to be IN THERE WITH HER?

ms_awesome17 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 15:18

Thats kinda cute!

Keywords

Health Relatable Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 1 926

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 759

You deserved it 15 561

The Top

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 996

Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 285

You deserved it 68 070

Today, I tried therapy to talk about my problems without feeling like i am harassing anyone. After messaging a therapist for over 2 hours, I felt way better and finally understood. It turned out I'm in such a bad mental state that I'm a danger to myself and others. Police were called by the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 234

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 827

You deserved it 17 731

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 352

You deserved it 13 692

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 545

You deserved it 10 922

Same thing different taste

Toilet training

Oh, hai Mark!

Amplified

Top comments

Comments