Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and...

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 254

You deserved it 8 236

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Same thing different taste

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 989

You deserved it 10 970

By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 341

You deserved it 43 087

Movie night

By nah - 11/06/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 1 706

Alone time

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 954

You deserved it 3 768

By Degueusement - 18/08/2014 04:48 - France - Puteaux

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 786

You deserved it 11 016

By Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 805

You deserved it 1 414

By inconnue - 18/03/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 630

You deserved it 9 135

By harrysolo - 19/07/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 570

You deserved it 65 204

By whorecrux - 02/07/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 916

You deserved it 9 842

Easy

By pokie - 30/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 920

You deserved it 9 436

PimpinPenguin 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 23:12

You should have cast an enlargement spell on him

JoeDotPadilla 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 23:15

It coulda been worse. He coulda been Voldemort.

Comments

jessbobessy09 0

Tuesday 30 November 2010 6:22

boys..you can't live with em'...you can't live without em'...hahaha

8128523jk 5

Thursday 27 January 2011 19:45

one of the best fml's posted. I've since used it on my girlfriend a few times since she loves my sorcerer stones

atomicJ 0

Saturday 5 February 2011 13:33

win!

sammy259 3

Tuesday 15 March 2011 3:15

expeliaumus

staylorball21 1

Sunday 24 April 2011 15:07

at least he's creative and comfortable enough around you that he says that stuff

Arzee_fml_fml 0

Monday 2 May 2011 17:42

Biggest geeks ever..lol

Ugi 26

Friday 13 May 2011 11:04

I'm worried from this that you may in fact be 13. Beyond that, what's the problem?

ArielTheMermaid 17

Friday 20 May 2011 22:25

hahaha epic

AdAmLamBertLoVeR_fml_fml 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 4:51

I. LOVE. HIM.!!! lmao HP NERDS FTW!!! :P

AmberBri 8

Thursday 14 July 2011 12:47

Old.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Food Health Geek Love Relationship advice Work Embarrassing Friends AITA Kittens Cute Animals Cats Argument Clothes Miscellaneous Music Awkward Annoying Client relations Family Relatable My ex Jealousy Allergies Weird Scary TMI Parents

The Top

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 050

You deserved it 7 251

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 3 540

The Top

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 223

You deserved it 75 591

Living that awkward life.

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 80

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 373

You deserved it 2 885

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 2 371

Today, I found out the passport office sent my passport to the wrong address. They sent it all to my ex-wife (currently separated) who is now asking for money in exchange for the documents, as well as me signing a divorce that she hasn't started. I'm from Australia; I can't go see my family because of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 134

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 8 678