Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about...

By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 827

You deserved it 8 873

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Don't mind me

By evelynn - 20/05/2010 06:25 - France

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 137

You deserved it 8 175

By halloweed - 16/11/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 408

You deserved it 7 598

By S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 5 765

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 434

You deserved it 7 328

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 483

You deserved it 5 013

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 335

Not now, Yoda

By iwassoclose - 10/04/2013 16:32 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 758

You deserved it 8 805

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 8 645

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 335

You deserved it 9 126

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 514

LocoMarshmallow 13

Saturday 21 December 2013 5:19

At least he didn't wipe it on your forehead and say "Simba"

DocBastard 38

Saturday 21 December 2013 5:21

I think that move definitely needs a name. I propose "The Perdix".

Comments

schnips 10

Sunday 22 December 2013 0:01

Sounds exactly like something my boyfriend would do...

smilelynzi 5

Sunday 22 December 2013 3:57

Hahahahahahaha, that's what I did after I read this!!!

onyxsmiles 4

Sunday 22 December 2013 4:03

At least he didn't fling it near your ****** xD

mattrd_fml 31

Sunday 22 December 2013 4:24

Some would consider you lucky...

thundermoo 16

Sunday 22 December 2013 4:47

How many times did you stab him?

outoftown 26

Sunday 22 December 2013 5:16

Because if you have a kid with him, he'll trick him into licking a frozen flagpole.

ekwinoks 5

Sunday 22 December 2013 9:37

I applaud his creativity

sickerthanyou 13

Sunday 22 December 2013 15:27

for a moment I thought you were going to say he slapped you with a hand full of cum.

lionhardt13 10

Sunday 22 December 2013 22:12

What the hell is up with dude? It's sex, not degrade women time. Sad

CelticLad0719 2

Monday 23 December 2013 8:20

this is less of a fml and more of a reason to appreciate your bf

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Food Health Geek Relationship advice Love AITA Work Embarrassing Friends Kittens Animals Cute Cats Argument Clothes Miscellaneous Music Awkward Annoying Client relations Family Relatable Jealousy My ex Allergies Scary Weird TMI Parents

The Top

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 870

You deserved it 5 395

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 137

The Top

Today, i purchased myself 150$ Egyptian cotton 800-thread count sheets for my birthday, which came with matching pillow cases and everything. My girlfriend decided to wear a bleach face cream and ruined the entire set, and then followed it up with using part of my savings to buy herself a cabin vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 249

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 770

You deserved it 3 609

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 10 365

Today, I lost my job. Why? Because I'm taking care of my dying mother. My boss actually said, "Well, if she dies today, we can hold your job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 82

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 383

You deserved it 37 275

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 486

You deserved it 53 427