Intimacy: Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing...

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 095

You deserved it 6 794

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 278

You deserved it 4 727

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 913

You deserved it 7 672

By Inkabadger - 20/11/2009 18:41 - Canada

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 4 084

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 133

You deserved it 11 980

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 346

You deserved it 1 398

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 694

You deserved it 3 557

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 29 823

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 230

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 938

You deserved it 50 914

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 233

onepctech 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 23:34

Give me a call, I'll make you feel like a woman.

lagoosie 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 23:42

What the hell is up with people trying to play hard to get or trying to seduce people? ******* get off your ass, and tell him you want to be with him. But, yeah FYL AND YDI. Stop playing with yourself, and go play with your husband.

Comments

JarJarBinks_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:12

#35 because guys prefer real beef to yours? OP: you're obviously either not doing something right in bed or your husband was really hungry.

Bleep_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:14

You should've replied "I'm better".

abdoh2010 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:14

if you want him, you tell him otherwise he will not know what the **** you want women always like to give signals when it come to sex instead of direct request and thats suck !!! men dont get signals because our brain is not structured that way. i like it when my woman approch me and tell me: "i want you, and i want you now"

glykoula09 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:20

maybe he thought you had an itching problem...and were squeaming...and wanted to rub the cold beef on you to help you feel better..just a thought..some people are into that..

warpedtourgurl 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:22

Haha I like how a certain umber of people on here assume you just got ugly and fat and he didnt want you. Maybe her husband just didnt realise she was trying to seduce him. Men are stupid sometimes.

PureGold 0

Monday 8 June 2009 0:29

The man was hungry!! But seriously, I just can't feel bad for you. Your sexual frustration is no concern of mine while there are women being raped in the Congo. Only semi-kidding...I'm getting sick of "FML's" like this x(