Intimacy: Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly...

By Nate - 31/03/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 644

You deserved it 24 965

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By kevcng - 10/09/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 718

You deserved it 7 987

Sinners, the lot of you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:00

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 621

You deserved it 451

Holy shit

By embarrassed - 04/01/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 026

You deserved it 3 399

By Soundofaboner - 23/04/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 407

You deserved it 10 110

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 580

You deserved it 4 645

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 20 341

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 669

By BlueMacaw - 25/07/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 662

You deserved it 2 157

New balls

By boxerswontdo - 06/03/2022 02:00

Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 292

By fatguyinalittlecoat - 08/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 906

You deserved it 5 267

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 31 March 2011 19:09

If you had shouted "Praise the Lord", then everything would have been OK.

Happygofucky 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 19:14

You got off lucky, for realz. If that were me I would have let out a lot more than a squeal. Something along the lines of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", politely demonstrated by me today when my mother dearest slammed my toe in the car door :)

Comments

MyNameIsBruce 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:09

Pray not to be sterile, after crushing your balls with your entire body weight.

drew2711 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:15

wear a cup next time

fabianbond 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:16

not a big deal

guitarspro 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:19

not a big deal???? ive snapped my wrist in half, and it still didn't hurt as much as I sat on my nuts on an irregularly shaped bench... I threw up from pain.

lmaoatall 6

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:17

oh fathful one, god has bestowed upon you a test, sing low- sweet chariot....

dum_dum1 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:27

it was the devil, he hit you in the balls because you were at church.

KVKdragon 26

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:30

well, you shouldn't sit down in a rush then. you're obviously not playing musical chairs during church service (I'm assuming anyways). I do agree that your life sucks but you totally deserved it at the same time.