Intimacy: Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to...

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 583

You deserved it 5 698

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Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 770

You deserved it 4 763

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 644

You deserved it 29 341

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 858

You deserved it 8 327

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 7 465

By dom - 08/09/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 312

You deserved it 33 842

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 232

You deserved it 8 479

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 8 472

Say yes

By fuckingdonuts - 18/05/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 057

You deserved it 5 182

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 991

You deserved it 14 731

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 382

You deserved it 4 984

CitizenSnipz 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:48

Both of you were eating a delicious snack filled with cream. He was just seeing how it was for you!

doctorr_fml 9

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:44

that blows

Comments

whitneyyy16 9

Friday 15 January 2010 16:31

apparently you suck at giving head. sucks for you!

kydancinlady7 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 0:50

Haha, wow.

jlamb523 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 1:55

he must have been hungry

tiedwithsmiles 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 2:38

lmfaoooo omg

skoe 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 4:12

hahaha that's hilarious! Watch some ****, learn some things and try try again.. hopefully next time you won't fail

buttshapedfruit 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 4:50

lmao pwned! hahahaha

Fridgen28 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 5:06

Dont worry about it next time just rub a Twinkie on his dick instead lol

millz2995 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 6:27

u must really suck

daneeyoll 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 6:33

no the Twinkie mustve been that good

RuralNinja 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 9:04

That sucks but its probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

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The Top

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 1 837

Today, I got a call from a 24/7 psychiatric triage centre. Apparently, writing to the PM about assisted suicide puts you on their 'at risk' list. Is it not reasonable to ask if Australia is going to follow Canada's lead in complex mental health as a qualification for assisted suicide? I'm getting another call tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 141

The Top

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 883

You deserved it 15 808

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 692

You deserved it 3 921

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 647

You deserved it 3 765

Today, I checked on an uncle following his surgery. I got a two-hour monologue of how the internet doesn't really save paper, because he has to print the bills and receipts, plus pay for ink and staples, and that utility companies are really just shifting costs to the consumer by going "paperless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 126

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 618

Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 788

You deserved it 62 298

Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

Ouch

Say yes

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