Intimacy: Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob...

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 049

You deserved it 38 865

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 74 547

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 174

You deserved it 32 486

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 967

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 643

You deserved it 29 340

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 6 794

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 230

You deserved it 8 479

Cool trick, mom

By fuck florida - 16/05/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 430

You deserved it 5 991

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 306

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 5 698

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 502

You deserved it 84 214

Tweekz14 5

Thursday 12 April 2012 1:53

So I'm guessing you swallow?

nofearjenshere 12

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:06

It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.

Comments

Ima_NeRD6213 4

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:45

Banana +10xp x Daily dose of potassium +5xp Next level: Zucchini

oneleggedbeauty 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:50

Whatta Sucky situation

zues70 4

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:51

You suck...but not good at it...but at least you suck...

greenmen 12

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:52

Wish had girl friend like that so devoted!! Cheers Mate

magnetoo 4

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:01

Why is "you deserved it" winning 4 to 1? The non-joke comments are mostly supportive - do that many people still secretly believe that nice girls don't do it and deserve to be punished for having sex? Ignore the haters, potassiumgirl.

rightspark 7

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:05

Your awesome for trying to please him right

badbitchesonly 2

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:21

You're doing it wrong.

eyecon502 13

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:35

Power to the OP for trying. Shame on the school system for not teaching.

xxdark 3

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:36

Using a condom protected banana to practice is fine, but having the skin peeled is actually really dangerous. You're basically pushing a whole object down your throat that breaks incredibly easily. LOLL. So even if you succeed, you're going to end up with a banana obstructing your only means of gaining air into your lungs. Besides, an erect penis is hard, not soft. I don't see why people try this again and again! If you're going to practice, do it properly! And also use a bit of brains behind your choices. just had to say it. You can kill yourself doing that, and what a last legacy that would be to leave!