Health: Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb...

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 675

You deserved it 30 894

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Same thing different taste

What an ass

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 780

You deserved it 3 048

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 674

You deserved it 27 489

By Charles - 21/06/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 542

You deserved it 8 273

By owies :( - 01/04/2011 02:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 75 517

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 512

You deserved it 15 614

Talking Heads song playing?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 256

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 128

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 054

You deserved it 2 528

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 1 246

Not my day, is it?

By ouch. - 10/12/2018 09:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 723

You deserved it 341

jezane 9

Sunday 29 January 2012 12:09

Wasn't that a "bright" idea...

yahoowizard 16

Sunday 29 January 2012 12:12

I must ask, were you wearing pants?

Comments

Namerkp2 8

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:03

Your and your??

ravenxcorvinus 9

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:08

*is wonderinf if this is the same person that sat on their glasses..*

MissFits_fml 6

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:47

At least it wasn't a thumbtack.

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 29 January 2012 23:05

I'd rather sit on a thumb tack than sit on a light bulb and have glass lacerate my ass and balls...

Mister_Triangle 21

Monday 30 January 2012 7:27

I'v sat on a thumb tack before. Wasn't so bad

YoBud 4

Sunday 29 January 2012 18:57

1 Guy and a lightbulb

MisterMan795 4

Sunday 29 January 2012 21:28

Were u naked?

cscott3131 0

Monday 30 January 2012 0:53

Look before you leap... Or sit.

Clamcreepy 7

Monday 30 January 2012 1:40

A hard head makes for a soft ass

conqueror57 11

Monday 30 January 2012 5:11

Next time you sit down to ********** to internet ****, try doing it with your pants on and just the fly unzipped.

doltkid 3

Monday 30 January 2012 5:19

pics or it didn't happen...

Bullheard 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:42

hige gash on my ass

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Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

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The Top

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 588

You deserved it 3 447

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 126

You deserved it 62 869

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 400

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 753

You deserved it 3 159

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 490

You deserved it 7 507

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 777

You deserved it 35 155