Kids: Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of... - FML

By wah wah "you raised him" - 22/04/2014 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 790

You deserved it 5 265

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 607

You deserved it 6 076

By notsoproudfather - 01/02/2016 15:54 - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 013

You deserved it 2 304

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 4 817

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 625

You deserved it 3 062

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 496

You deserved it 6 567

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 148

You deserved it 5 775

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 20:01 - United States - Danbury

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 617

You deserved it 5 109

By What the fuck, son? - 11/05/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 424

You deserved it 7 835

The war on drugs

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 1 170

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 355

You deserved it 9 807

Next

Top comments

piedpiper303 29

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:05

The broke teens guide to getting high

Welshite 39

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:26

You've been sniffing pen ink again, haven't you?

Comments

darbmutat 12

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:33

I'm thinking it'll all literally be an uphill journey from here... Good luck.

mosquito19 14

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:40

he's gonna discover paint and glue eventually if he's not stopped now.

sunnyray812 42

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:42

Love that username because that's what the majority of FML'ers would comment on here. :/ Some people don't seem to know that children do have a mind of their own.

TrinityNevada 11

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:47

Sort of like the little girl in a previous post who was trying to smoke a spoonful of baking soda or something. Maybe she and your son can have children together! (Oh, wait, bad idea)

vlalam 24

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:47

I wanted to say "please don't reproduce" but I guess it's too late...

cryssycakesx3 22

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:41

OP didn't make his son do it...

bellles 18

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:47

I'm sorry, but that is just mental haha . Poor kid .

avidreader121 7

Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:52

I see a grounding in his future?

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:27

Well the plastic would do something bur it's a good thing he can't from there...

dingostacy 14

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:30

What is he inking? That's crazy. Who gave him this idea?

Alextricity 3

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:31

YOUR SON NEEDS TO BE HIGH...on education.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 109

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 171

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 178

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 295

You deserved it 4 619

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 592

You deserved it 9 178

Today, when I came out to my family, my mom told me in all seriousness she’d rather me be a prostitute than a lesbian. She added, “At least prostitutes have sex with men.” When I pointed out that lesbians can also be prostitutes, she kicked me out of the house. She’s changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 241

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 825

You deserved it 6 265

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 975

You deserved it 50 552