Health: Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was...

By feels like an asshole - 09/06/2015 20:03 - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 325

You deserved it 3 209

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Same thing different taste

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 723

You deserved it 3 536

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 320

You deserved it 4 957

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 2 008

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 3 363

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 362

You deserved it 6 198

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 867

You deserved it 4 118

Stained

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 177

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 571

You deserved it 1 884

By Waterfalls - 07/10/2014 11:33 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 258

You deserved it 10 653

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 125

You deserved it 625

rnarshmallow 21

Wednesday 10 June 2015 9:06

At least your girlfriend knows you are willing to pee on her when she asks.

thecouchisalive 20

Wednesday 10 June 2015 9:07

That's a very wet dream

Comments

Awesome58422599 19

Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:54

Dude, thats no way to talk about your girlfriend. Calling a dog and shit.

pimpmilk69 18

Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:43

whole new wet dog smell.

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 10 June 2015 13:10

For some reason I think that's better than peeling on your girlfriend

abNormal62 23

Wednesday 10 June 2015 13:14

I assume urine in trouble now?

Evil_Wench 16

Wednesday 10 June 2015 14:16

At least you didn't dream that you were having sex...

Kempeth 5

Wednesday 10 June 2015 14:49

This puts the FML below this in a totally different light!

Liamo000 5

Wednesday 10 June 2015 14:59

What have you been watching...?

BeautifulMine 16

Wednesday 10 June 2015 15:05

well if there was any doubt before, he's definitely your dog now.

tiggerdoc 14

Wednesday 10 June 2015 15:06

Wait... I had something for this........DAMMIT!!!

IWishIWasObama 12

Wednesday 10 June 2015 15:50

was your dog a golden retriever?

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Ironic Animals Embarrassing Phobias Ecology Health Bikes Transportation Drunk Work AITA Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Weird Vacation Mysterious Gamers Video games Gross First Dates Smells Parents Technology Annoying

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 242

You deserved it 37 869

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 92

The Top

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 518

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 993

You deserved it 2 336

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 702

You deserved it 6 759

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 311

You deserved it 1 606

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 169

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 636

You deserved it 8 774

Same thing different taste

Completely wet

Stained

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