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FML - The follow-up
BeforeItWasCool Say more :
Wow this seems to have been misinterpreted! It was unplanned, I was entirely surprised by it. We hadn't planned on kids- if it had been positive it would have been an accident. I was just quite happy to have such a nice surprise even if it did turn out to be negative. I was quite disappointed it was negative, not because I've been secretly trying to get pregnant, but because I was pleasantly surprised. It just seems my fiancé was a little too enthusiastic about the negative result.
By BeforeItWasCool / Sunday 30 September 2012 09:30 / United Kingdom
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By  sstaskie  |  3

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  cradle6  |  13

^Nailed it. From the wording of the FML, it seems like OP wants to get pregnant without her fiancee's consent. And if that's true, what the hell is wrong with you OP?! Just because you have a "strong relationship" doesn't mean he wants kids. Furthermore, if he doesn't want kids and you do, do NOT get married to him. Those irreconcilable differences.

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  Jaxx66  |  21

1- Exactly! My BF and I have been together 8 years and we are still talking over the whole 'kid thing'. I want one, he's not ready. So, I'll wait... We still have time. OP- Trying to get pregnant against his will, will ultimately ruin trust. Then BAM! You're a single mother. No trust; no relationship.

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  walmartpaysme  |  15

I agree with 48. People talk about absentee fathers and how dad's abandon their kids. A lot of the time the dad didn't want a kid an the mom snuck around behind their back and got pregnant on purpose. If you want to be a mom so bad that you will go behind his back, OP you are going to have a weak relationship before to long.

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You're right, but it's not so simple. She probably had not planned to get pregnant. Maybe when she realized her period was late, and took the test, she started to think about the idea of having a baby with the man she's been with for the last four years. It may happen, we're not machines.

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  jazalea8  |  16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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Nah I wasn't planning on getting pregnant, I was just pleasantly surprised when I thought I was. In truth if it were positive it would've been a complete mistake. I was just kinda disappointed it was negative once I'd gotten the idea I might be having a kid it was just a nice thought. I mean, for a day I was under the impression I might be pregnant and was quite excited by it, unplanned or not. We've discussed it since and both agree we're going to wait a while until we're both ready. In all honesty we're not quite there yet!

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Well, THAT puts a spin on the story. Yeah, you definitely made it sound like you were either not on the same page, or even lying to your man. And 67, the HELL you talkin 'bout? You make absolutely no sense by contradicting yourself.

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  fthku  |  13

#67, what the fuck were you even trying to say? All I got from your comment is that there's a mysterious third person in a relationship that disagrees with happy couples.

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  walmartpaysme  |  15

67, if someone SAYS they want to have a kid but they don't, that's their problem. Seriously, that's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you can't openly discuss important life decisions like having kids then you shouldn't be in that relationship

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  sheethapins  |  13

59 Be that as it may, it does take two to Tango. Now what we don't know is if any form of protection or birth control was or was not used, but if he went for it without a helmet or her being on birth control then it can't be just OP's fault. Now if she was trying to be sneaky and skipped a dose or took the seeing needle to the condom then yeah she's to blame, if not it goes back to the point 25 was making. So when it comes to absentee fathers, we really have to look at the full circumstance. I've known guys begging their wives, fiancées, what have you to get pregnant but still leave. In fact my ex tried that on me and when I objected he left to knock up some other chick who was dumb enough to believe him, then 3 months after the baby was born skipped the state and started working under the table. Point is, there are many different situations when it comes to absent fathers, but everyone knows what makes babies.

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  walmartpaysme  |  15

129, I was not saying that all absentee father's have the right to abandon their kids. I was specifically referring to the men who only became a father because of the women intentionally getting pregnant without the fathers knowledge. (like skipping north control or lying about it or poking holes in the condom)

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  angeluv_2014  |  22

To 48 and 59 (let's kill two birds with one stone here...) : I don't understand why people try to have kids before they're even married... what sense does that make? And, seriosly? Alot of the time the woman snuck around to get pregnant on purpose? How the fuck does that even happen? Show me the statistics on that, Asshole. But, yeah OP, talk to your man first. Seriously! What's wrong with people???

By  perdix  |  29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  gc327072  |  29

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  perdix  |  29

I understand that they haven't been engaged for the whole four years, but I can guess that they didn't get engaged last week. If he's so happy she's not pregnant, I'm guessing that they haven't discussed this issue with any seriousness.

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  sens3sfailing  |  24

My parents were together 5 years before they got married and they have one of the best relationships I have ever seen. Marriage is a big step and taking it fast is the worst thing you can do. I commend the couple for taking things at a slower rate to make sure it was a relationship worth staying in for the rest of their lives.

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  cwl727  |  32

He can be mature enough and ready for the commitment to get married. He just may not want a baby right away. Just because he is happy that his fiancé isn't pregnant doesn't mean he is immature.

By  sstaskie  |  3

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  Zomg_Okay  |  26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Autoshot  |  9

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  sstaskie  |  3

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Justy101  |  23

117 - Actually that is false. A married couples chances of surviving a life time are about 50/50. That's a statistically proven fact btw, not just some bullshit I made up.

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I agree, marriage before babies. if they aren't committed to each other to have a marriage then why would they be committed to have a baby? and the 50/50 rate at marriage, take into the fact that couples who have children before or get married quickly. those kinds of couples are at an even higher risk for divorce then ones who took a while and had children after a few years of marriage. plus some religions forbid divorce. my husband and I don't believe in divorce, if u commit for life then you better damn well hold to that promise. if any shit happens you should be able to talk to out whether its infidelity, financial struggles, or family problems (too many kids, difficulty getting pregnant, spouse not wanting children, etc.)

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138 - It might be because not everyone wants to get married. Also, sometimes there are irreconcilable differences; some show straight away, others only when you're under pressure. Stubborn pride has never done anyone any good.

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  UberNova  |  18

You don't have to be married to show commitment to each other or to be ready to have a child, my uncle has been with his fiancé for 21 years and has had 2 children.

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  aimee910  |  11

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26 is right. We weren't trying, it was a complete surprise. I was just quite excited by the mistake. It's quite lucky it was negative really, we're not ready yet! But still it would have been a nice mistake.

By  gctynan  |  2

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By  foxholeathiest  |  4

Probably best if you aren't pregnant. As a married man of 5 years with no kids. It's important to be in the same page for this otherwise he could resent you and push you away

By  MissMess  |  12

My ex did the same thing. I see where the other commenters are coming from but it's always horrible to get such a massive reaction if a part of you was secretly hoping for positive. Take this opportunity to sit down and talk to him about the direction you want your life to go in :)

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  ideasrule  |  13

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  MissMess  |  12

Ohmigod chill out! So according to you, any unplanned pregnancy that wasn't especially good news to begin with between an unmarried couple is bordering on child abuse? There is nothing to suggest OP was TRYING to get pregnant without her mans consent, just that she had to take a test. Sometimes it isn't until a pregnancy scare that you realise that actually, you'd be okay with being pregnant. It seems to me that OP is just disappointed that her partner didn't feel quite the same way, hence my comment about needing to sit down and talk to him. So stfu.

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  DjeePee  |  24

So if someone doesn't want children it's ok, but when someone does, it's highly immortal? Get a break. I'll agree that it's a (in my opinion, unforgivable) bitchmove if a woman stops taking birth control without her partner's knowledge. And on the same line, agreeing that your partner stops taking birth control, while desperately hoping she won't get pregnant, is a bitchmove either. Kids are a serious matter, so act serious about it, even if it will lead to a break-up.

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