Animals: Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 843

You deserved it 5 439

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 2 484

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 159

You deserved it 9 119

By Imgonnahaveabf - 05/01/2012 12:06 - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 3 606

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 206

You deserved it 11 252

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 108

You deserved it 7 462

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 625

You deserved it 3 362

First impressions

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 954

You deserved it 41 443

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 35 751

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 1 232

hare 19

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:56

you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge

docscientist 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:10

Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.

Comments

smamlatina 4

Sunday 15 May 2011 7:44

omg thats happened to me i was like 5 so creepy

Clouded_Rhino 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 11:07

YES MAN!!!~~

hockeyplaya2029 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 19:10

he owns you now

Sassybq1 13

Monday 16 May 2011 5:39

he's telling you to never stop cus your just that hot and you stroking him makes his boner better lololololol JK.

CxiiBunneh 0

Monday 16 May 2011 7:28

Pet te doggie....

salyssac 3

Monday 16 May 2011 20:34

lmao that's just funny

Chaos5 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 23:50

Next Fml I stopped petting the Doberman and took a chunk of my skin with it. That would suck.

amadan 0

Wednesday 18 May 2011 3:23

Awe cute. You let the dog own you, need to show him who's boss. Then again he's not your dog and your not his master. Damn dogs :-)

Suff0c8r 0

Saturday 9 July 2011 22:41

Dobermans are famous as the ONLY dog that doesn't growl. Research a LITTLE before you fake and FML and get a life

Razman201 14

Tuesday 20 September 2011 16:28

Guess someone made a new friend =)

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 2 826

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home, my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 318

The Top

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 761

You deserved it 4 765

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 234

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 30 328

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 404

You deserved it 3 377

Today, I was helping my grandmother move a TV into her room upstairs. While carrying the TV, I slipped on a stair, fell over and broke the banister. I broke my leg and smashed the TV as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 937

You deserved it 1 897

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 717

You deserved it 2 218