Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 516

You deserved it 5 792

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Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 404

By Darling_Cherry - 02/01/2010 21:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 148

You deserved it 6 929

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 330

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 285

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 204

You deserved it 2 743

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 640

You deserved it 2 507

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 4 506

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 518

You deserved it 21 922

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 504

You deserved it 10 494

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 416

You deserved it 1 903

Next

Top comments

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

cdogLuvs2golf 0

Monday 30 January 2012 5:14

Forever alone

trigger22 0

Monday 30 January 2012 5:17

***********?

SabyLuvsYuu 1

Monday 30 January 2012 5:28

So, let me get this straight... You have sex with your cat, & she ignores you after?

elevatorparadox 2

Monday 30 January 2012 5:50

You sound like Sheldon Cooper...

TheWillyErl 0

Monday 30 January 2012 5:50

meow?!?!

tbrockmilly 0

Monday 30 January 2012 5:54

Forever alone.

myanginski 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:00

How far have u guys gone ;)

babygrl339515 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:07

Yay I got to make this post wierd. It was 741 for yls and 147 for ydi. I made it wierd okay I just dragged it lemme stop, yur life sucks op, but at least u got pussy

teyyoshi 19

Monday 30 January 2012 6:40

first ,i have to admit that intimate is just a simple word like close in my opinion, but after reading all comments ,i come to find it "sexually close", sometimes the hidden meanig of a word is lost in translation ,actually

kill_me_now7 2

Monday 30 January 2012 6:46

Dude that just sound so gross

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Keywords

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You deserved it 161

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

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You deserved it 2 826

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You deserved it 136

Today, I finished a 700-page book for my law exam. It was the wrong book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 625

You deserved it 4 653

Today, I called off my engagement with my now ex-girlfriend. Yesterday, while drunk at a get-together with all our friends, she admitted she's still in love with her best friend, and only went out with me to forget about him, but is still pining for him anyway. She doesn't understand why that factoid might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 124

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 341

You deserved it 4 299

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 430

You deserved it 3 256

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 3 182