Miscellaneous: Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was...

By Noname - 08/03/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 712

You deserved it 4 487

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Same thing different taste

By firethorn - 20/06/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 091

You deserved it 3 577

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 189

You deserved it 5 239

Not a geography major

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:45 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 356

You deserved it 10 927

By noname - 07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 643

You deserved it 2 309

Brown and sticky

By Jon - 14/03/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 152

You deserved it 6 334

Lower your expectations

By Brilliant... - 25/05/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 580

You deserved it 5 308

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 156

You deserved it 2 572

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 2 634

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 200

You deserved it 8 839

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 723

You deserved it 2 843

Yunie_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 12:21

Someone's in a hurry to get those great-grandchildren.

Emika_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 13:37

That's an awesome gift! Where can I buy one?

Comments

swim2012 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 1:23

Cool grandpa...I guess LOL

fenimors 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 18:20

Ha ha great map

JakeHorton8 0

Friday 5 June 2009 5:19

Haha your grandpa's a major D***

21icefox 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 18:13

he's trying to help but that's a sucky way of doing it.

greendaygirl112 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 19:28

he is only trying to help still funni tho

k1w1 0

Tuesday 1 June 2010 3:07

BWAHAHA!

foork 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 3:26

u selfish complainer!!

samuelmartin 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 7:26

would have been worse if op was a guy.

fatass_ninja 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 12:09

hint?...nah!

djack0113 0

Monday 3 October 2011 5:36

Where do I buy this?!

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Ironic Animals Embarrassing Phobias Health Bikes Transportation Ecology Drunk AITA Work Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Vacation Mysterious Weird Video games Gamers Gross First Dates Smells Parents Technology Kids

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Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 137

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 260

You deserved it 14 934

The Top

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 3 275

Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 1 171

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 729

You deserved it 2 773

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 337

You deserved it 24 254

Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 112

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 675

You deserved it 6 099

Same thing different taste

Not a geography major

Brown and sticky

Lower your expectations

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