Animals: Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave....

By aherdofpigs - 02/09/2013 19:22 - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 079

You deserved it 21 069

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 318

You deserved it 5 774

By unloved cat owner - 16/02/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 653

You deserved it 9 467

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 806

You deserved it 6 958

The creepy guy next door

By Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 096

You deserved it 4 479

Feral kitty

By Polar Bear 2020 - 24/04/2024 17:30 - India

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 74

Crowded house

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 255

You deserved it 909

My precious baby

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 671

You deserved it 8 728

By nosleeptilpissoff - 18/03/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 407

You deserved it 6 381

By catslave - 17/09/2016 08:43 - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 063

You deserved it 1 879

By Dom - 26/05/2012 21:35 - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 3 294

confusedAsFuck 34

Tuesday 3 September 2013 0:09

Pussy blocked

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 3 September 2013 0:09

Laser Pen that bastard into a bin and voilà.

Comments

xKorizma 11

Tuesday 3 September 2013 12:42

Well at least you aren't your own dogs bitch

ImGucci 8

Tuesday 3 September 2013 14:18

Use a window

chosha_fml 26

Tuesday 3 September 2013 15:15

Get a broom and sweep him aside. What are you, five? It's not a venomous snake, FFS.

hordriss 14

Tuesday 3 September 2013 15:50

I think you need to threaten it with that dreaded wood - VET!

kabza 13

Tuesday 3 September 2013 17:21

pussy

MrGeekBoi 2

Tuesday 3 September 2013 17:57

Two words for you: oven mitts

nick3600 22

Tuesday 3 September 2013 19:45

what a CATastrophe! *ba dum tiss*

TecheyTim 14

Tuesday 3 September 2013 19:54

Just kick the damn thing.

The_Paladin 16

Tuesday 3 September 2013 20:15

Put some foos down and leave whenever it starts eating.

Slenderman98 5

Tuesday 3 September 2013 21:01

That sounds like my wife...

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 65

Today, I noticed mold on my toothbrush. I have no idea how long it's been like that. I told my husband about it via text, and all he could say was, "Welp... ew." We've had a mold problem for years and I'm constantly sick. I also mentioned this and he sent me a shrugging emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 126

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 10 727

You deserved it 1 643

Today, I was fixing something for a guy at a steel manufacturing company. His employees told me that their boss can't hear properly, so I'd have to be loud when talking to him. When I'd finished, he asked me if I normally talked like that, or if there was something wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 165

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 214

You deserved it 241

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 8 279

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 930

You deserved it 29 414

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 798

You deserved it 51 093