Miscellaneous: Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl...

By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 298

You deserved it 34 555

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Same thing different taste

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 088

You deserved it 3 661

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 620

You deserved it 4 060

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 524

You deserved it 66 005

Silent night

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 06:00

Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 126

By knobbed - 27/01/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 922

You deserved it 4 883

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 15 177

It's not a phase, mom!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 865

You deserved it 7 260

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 252

You deserved it 27 565

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 619

You deserved it 36 067

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 679

You deserved it 25 635

BoredomCentral 8

Monday 14 November 2011 8:54

Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.

mannykiddo 3

Monday 14 November 2011 9:07

Today, you are a raccoon.

Comments

Claw123 0

Tuesday 15 November 2011 3:43

LOL. That's funny x).

em1nem13 0

Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:49

Suck to be you but I have a similar story

StalinsHeir 1

Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:33

LOL

xDistant 13

Tuesday 15 November 2011 8:31

Classic.

uncookedyew 4

Tuesday 15 November 2011 8:58

If my girlfriend did that I'd give her a black eye too

yourlifesfucked 0

Tuesday 15 November 2011 14:48

Did anyone else find it funny that the girl wearing a Hooters uniform is morally outraged that men are pigs?

Maddoctor 10

Tuesday 15 November 2011 18:09

I have the feeling it has something to do with her job...

Emperorerror 8

Tuesday 15 November 2011 22:47

Why do people think he deserved it? Dumb your dumbass girlfriend.

Calia061908 4

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:52

Umm aren't you wearing a hooters outfit in your default ??? Lmfao

Calia061908 4

Tuesday 15 November 2011 23:55

Lmfao I did !! Ahahahahha

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 3 575

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 413

You deserved it 2 826

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 160

You deserved it 8 827

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 971

You deserved it 4 730

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 515

You deserved it 12 479

Today, I found out that the $100,000 scholarship I "won" was a scam. I found it on a website. When I won, they asked for a "processing fee" that I begged my brother to let me borrow. The website has vanished into internet wasteland and I have no way of paying back the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 2 204

Today, my brother-in-law introduced my son to Andrew Tate videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 169

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 147

Same thing different taste

Silent night

It's not a phase, mom!

Romantic move

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