Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the... - FML

By FootFlakes - 09/04/2013 17:58 - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 991

You deserved it 4 429

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 01:34 - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 147

You deserved it 3 007

By caitplaysguitar - 09/02/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 232

You deserved it 6 521

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 105

Good boy

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 23:02 - Germany

Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food and continue cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 104

By TwiceDaily,Kids - 06/04/2012 00:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 5 112

Greased lightning

By NotMyFootprints - 20/01/2022 08:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my housemate whined at me for tracking dirt into the house, saying how she shouldn't have to mop the floor after me, and that we have a doormat for a reason. She'd have a point, except I always walk barefoot indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 140

By jeesh - 31/01/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 957

You deserved it 89 284

By feckingnasty - 26/01/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 638

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 2 453

By I'm disgusting - 26/05/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 3 205

Next

Top comments

tacojauns 45

Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:36

At least she's not eating them?

liv_graham 7

Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:34

buy her a pumice stone and a garbage can

Comments

jlynpa 10

Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:16

Yummy!!! Fingered foods :)

Xotoolyxo 16

Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:38

Buy her some socks, she should keep those on at all times

motita69 5

Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:41

....

motita69 5

Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:45

All this time reading FMLs and I have not learned not to eat while doing so!

FlyingPie 17

Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:54

Tell her to get a pedicure or something, and let her foot the bill.

onorexveritas 23

Wednesday 10 April 2013 7:26

I know someone who does stuff like that too, its enough to make you want to scream in frustration if it weren't for the barf threatening to come up

xkncas 8

Wednesday 10 April 2013 8:17

Ew...break up with her... It won't get any better...

btcrusin 11

Wednesday 10 April 2013 16:36

What about toenail clippings?

juliamtz93 8

Wednesday 10 April 2013 16:51

thats so nasty!

Storia30 9

Wednesday 10 April 2013 18:18

Please get a new table before u guys have children! They put their mouths, toys, etc. on everything. Just imagine her feet flakes, ur babies pacifier ......yuck!

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The Top

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 167

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 3 567

The Top

Today, my mom tried to force me to stay home from work to babysit my sister and her “boyfriend”. I snuck out and went to work anyway, because I hate being around them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 131

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 118

You deserved it 385

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 333

You deserved it 3 982

Today, I woke up with viral pink eye in both eyes. I work at a daycare and half the staff got it. We live in a state where there's mandatory sick time for all employees but people still take their sick kids to daycare. It's been a month of pink eye in my facility and I feel like it's never going to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 84

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 403

You deserved it 5 809

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 322

You deserved it 12 065