Intimacy: Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of...

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 947

You deserved it 6 641

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 5 871

By Rissa Warrington - 09/03/2012 08:30 - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 827

You deserved it 4 702

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 422

You deserved it 9 773

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 36 790

By Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 613

You deserved it 8 331

Bitten

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 520

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 059

You deserved it 10 552

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 233

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 041

You deserved it 35 383

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 900

You deserved it 5 800

BShady96 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:12

well it does count as selfpleasuring...

missfml1105 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:22

ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...

Comments

Snafuusmc 12

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:52

that's hot!

CoolAidIsMyName 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 16:07

you're not.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:59

what's the big deal? masturbation is natural and a part of life

metalhead5564 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:05

That'd be awkward for you...

lolabeth2 0

Sunday 19 June 2011 9:57

yeah obviously...

PopRocks14 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:14

lmfao right after i read the scratching part i scratched one of my mosquito bites xD

SugaryTears 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:23

you should never itch your mosquito bites!!!! it will only make or worse!!

fat_bastard_607 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:50

1. present bites. 2. present limp dick. 3. ??? 4. profit

Alicia17C 2

Sunday 19 June 2011 0:25

southpark? step 1: steal underwear step 2: ??? step 3: profit.

twirlingqueen4u 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:13

this one has been up before

mbrooks5110 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:16

So many FMLs wouldn't happen if people would learn to lock an FN door...

judices 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:20

maybe they dont have one dumb shit

CallMeHush 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:33

nor do I.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 185

The Top

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 021

You deserved it 32 519

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 2 745

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 325

You deserved it 6 732

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 232

You deserved it 3 318

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 141

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 962

You deserved it 7 243

Same thing different taste

Get where you can!

Bitten

Quick thinking

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