Miscellaneous: Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails....

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 68 915

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 20 768

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 61 476

By WeldedShut - 03/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 8 254

On the runs

By coloneltushfinger - 12/06/2019 16:00

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 363

Taint

By PaintedBum - 11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 389

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 025

You deserved it 54 335

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 541

You deserved it 49 960

By nicki - 14/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 447

You deserved it 8 125

Own it

By psychortiz - 03/06/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 610

You deserved it 16 708

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 312

You deserved it 8 359

rayray206 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 7:39

did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns

GlamorusKaos 1

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:55

Lmao .... thats funny as hell

Comments

sicksenseofhumor 0

Sunday 22 August 2010 1:14

umm.... y didnt u just mess up ur nails n repaint them instead of sittin there for so long? lmfao

cole86 0

Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:02

ya right. right now u hav a dead eyed stare

T_X_P 2

Friday 17 December 2010 22:53

ZOMGZ!!!! You suffered an inconvenience!!!! How pampered must this girl be to think her life is ****** by having to wait 30 minutes?

5upernova 3

Friday 17 December 2010 23:07

Half an hour for the nail polish to dry? What kind of nail polish are you using?

__doge__ 15

Friday 15 July 2016 11:43

A shitty one!

insanelyXnikki 18

Tuesday 4 January 2011 10:20

Your username also means 'crazy pussy'. lmao

xxskittlezxx1 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 16:04

lmfao really lol oww my stumach hurts

Kbhammer77 4

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:51

been there!

ahoyajee 3

Friday 30 December 2011 9:59

That's a problem if you have that much free time on the toilet.

Kayla8795 2

Wednesday 25 January 2012 7:25

LOL

dummkopf_fml 2

Thursday 12 July 2012 8:02

LOL! We all love hearing stories about other people doing stupid things because we've done things just as idiotic.

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I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 1 708

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 183

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 124

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 161

You deserved it 3 899

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I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 259

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 597

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I agree, your life sucks 30 025

You deserved it 7 432

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 805

You deserved it 525

Same thing different taste

On the runs

Taint

Own it

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