Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't...

By LucidNightmare - 27/01/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 753

You deserved it 18 693

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Same thing different taste

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 429

You deserved it 43 459

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 851

You deserved it 9 137

By foreveralone - 13/01/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 231

You deserved it 7 147

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 1 257

HOW COULD YOU?

By mylifesuckssss - 09/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I received a 7-page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 946

You deserved it 5 937

By magicmaster19 - 20/06/2019 14:30

Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 248

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 33 229

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 59 104

Nice try

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 17:29 - United States - Kent

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 061

You deserved it 5 454

Coach Class

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 2 043

carry_on 19

Sunday 27 January 2013 12:03

At least your stalker is looking out for your health...

anabelgraceaxton_fml 15

Sunday 27 January 2013 12:00

You could do so much better, don't cheat on your diet, it's not worth it.

Comments

nyu2jh 4

Sunday 27 January 2013 23:08

Stalkerish much?? At least they're looking our for ya though

carminecris89 13

Monday 28 January 2013 0:35

That is creepy. I would have been horrified.

Bullpine 11

Monday 28 January 2013 3:20

HawkwindFan2016 8

Monday 28 January 2013 3:37

Slenderman has your number now?

buckdharma 36

Monday 28 January 2013 4:10

Those m&m's are pretty crafty when it comes to remaining uneaten.

jaystreet46 4

Monday 28 January 2013 4:18

Did you stop? Doesn't matter, had chocolate. Did it died? Then did you haz cheeseburger?el oh el! es em aitch,

StephanieLynn94 7

Monday 28 January 2013 4:32

Looks like its time to invest in some curtains!

2112mike 4

Monday 28 January 2013 4:39

Was it Siri?

Blue_Bug 9

Monday 28 January 2013 5:01

Hahahaha nice!

twye 22

Monday 28 January 2013 8:21

Was it BEN?

Keywords

Work Management Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Healthy Lifestyle Relatable Health Money Birthday Family Mother in law Gifts Public freakouts Parents Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Love AITA Argument Insects Fear Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 480

You deserved it 3 043

Today, my cat tried to look out my bedroom window. To do so, she tried to stand on my air conditioner. She was unsuccessful in that endeavor, almost knocking my TV over and fucking up the side panel. Now there's an opening in my window that I can't close up. Guess I'll take the AC out and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 91

The Top

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 863

You deserved it 6 873

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 288

You deserved it 705

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 335

You deserved it 3 338

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 353

You deserved it 7 765

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 827

You deserved it 1 389

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 542

You deserved it 3 726