Kids: Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our... - FML

By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 044

You deserved it 5 374

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 1 467

Oldest trick in the book

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 15:00

Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 2 162

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 654

You deserved it 5 978

By BeatenUpPup - 18/05/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 203

You deserved it 5 799

Home improvement

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 301

You deserved it 5 379

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 744

You deserved it 6 889

Apex predator

By Ihatestraycats - 22/07/2023 12:00

Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 148

By maruskasommers - 09/01/2012 09:39 - Czech Republic

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 302

You deserved it 2 706

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 21:29 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 3 155

Next

Top comments

dillies 3

Tuesday 30 November 2010 9:01

maybe she thought it was a pencil sharpener?

FerrariCake 2

Tuesday 30 November 2010 9:02

You didnt say how old your daughter is. That matters. If she is 6 years old, this behavior indicates the child should see a therapist. If she is 19 years old, this behavior indicates she should contact a **** talent agency.

Comments

perez758 2

Wednesday 1 December 2010 0:49

thats why you shouldnt use a rectal thermometer on her!

Aniblecoby 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 1:08

win!

SamSayzRAWRZ 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 1:46

YDI for not teaching your daughter the proper care for your cat.

TColby 12

Wednesday 1 December 2010 3:48

ahhh childhood experiments, where would the world be without them?

FarSide 22

Wednesday 1 December 2010 6:16

Well, at least it wasn't her baby brother's butt.

overcastlexi 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 7:26

umm that child is ****** up

sexieeduck 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 13:23

she was just taking lessons from mommy and daddy .. when you thought she was sleeping, she really wasn't

nupster 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:12

blame the doctor for insertig thermometer up her butt

Lov3rGirL 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 7:42

maybe that's her fetish :)

FFYL334 0

Sunday 27 February 2011 15:18

eew ginger

carlokes 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 10:10

I've done that (:

HisShadow 1

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:04

your life is fine. your cat's life sucks.

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The Top

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home, my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 318

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that mine and her father's wedding is just a big joke, and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 054

You deserved it 3 116

The Top

Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 999

You deserved it 3 951

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 255

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 310

You deserved it 3 403

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 105

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 307

You deserved it 29 795

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 3 620