Work: Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife....

By knifewow - 20/10/2016 08:30 - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 422

You deserved it 13 435

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Same thing different taste

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 977

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 833

You deserved it 29 322

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 970

By zztopspinner - 14/03/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 707

You deserved it 36 517

911 please

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 664

You deserved it 4 992

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 480

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 46 705

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 553

You deserved it 29 247

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 990

You deserved it 32 359

Let it bleed

By breza - 01/07/2022 14:00 - Slovenia

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 159

Iwannarock1 19

Sunday 30 October 2016 11:03

ummm, that was dumb.

Mangascribbler 19

Sunday 30 October 2016 11:11

You're a bleeding idiot, OP.

Comments

RaisingA 5

Sunday 30 October 2016 21:03

The fly probably died afterwards, from laughter. Well, at least you killed it.

waleedma 18

Sunday 30 October 2016 21:36

Maybe Add A Choice "thats Dumb"

Blissment 12

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:31

do us a favor, don't reproduce.

Nina825 21

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:39

Hahahahahaha

hotcheetos25 6

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:41

I'm just saying, if we remove all the warning labels on products...natural selection will do its job.

LyricaSilvan 29

Monday 31 October 2016 9:03

Why bother removing them? Half the time, people will do stupid shit whether a piece of paper stuck to an object tells them they shouldn't or not.

hiddenUSERNAME 27

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:53

I don't know why this made me laugh

mikethekid07 13

Monday 31 October 2016 0:54

that'd definitely hold up in court, "your honor I swear I was only trying to swat a fly, but he got in the way" I see what ya did there OJ

Spongegar123 19

Monday 31 October 2016 4:26

You're a bloody moron! Heh get it.

rameses1210 18

Monday 31 October 2016 4:43

Only in Queensland

OhPuhleeze 23

Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:39

Not all of Queensland.. Just what happens in Logan.

justsaying07 4

Monday 31 October 2016 5:35

Natural selection at it's finest

Keywords

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Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 60

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 49 809

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 1 985

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 247

You deserved it 9 418

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 706

You deserved it 5 785

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 220

You deserved it 4 807

Today, a month after getting a big promotion, I found out that I'm stuck with my old job. No one wants to take my old position, so they are vacating my new one and will post it, because, "This one is more desirable, and your's is shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 259

You deserved it 346

Today, we had a NAT for our preparation for college. I did quite well and knew most of the answers. When I turned mine in, I realised I forgot to write my name. The proctor doesn't allow giving back test papers after it is turned in. And no, I can't retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 510

You deserved it 30 294

Same thing different taste

Put it away

911 please

Let it bleed

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