Miscellaneous: Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked...

By Why Is It Always Me - 21/02/2017 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 592

You deserved it 3 201

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 22:00

Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 643

You deserved it 36 721

By Eponine13 - 05/06/2019 22:00

Today, I thought it would be fun to climb a tree. My older sister also thought it would be fun to set the tree on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 178

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 361

Technically…

By I followed her orders! - 04/12/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 442

God don't pay my bills

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 00:00

Today, I told my fiancé that I don’t believe in God, so I won’t be going to church anymore because I’ll be picking up the Sunday shift at work. I don’t have a fiancé anymore because I’m, “a godless heathen who will burn for eternity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 528

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 00:05 - United States

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 391

You deserved it 2 334

By bham boy - 20/04/2011 08:10

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 369

You deserved it 33 747

By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 5 315

By Bonapp - 09/02/2012 22:11 - France

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 9 805

Sonofaquiche 9

Tuesday 21 February 2017 20:02

Phrasing, honey, Phrasing...

oreosaretoocool 18

Tuesday 21 February 2017 20:02

Everyone gets nervous O.P but surely a match or lighter would have been a better answer?

Comments

Kitsi 14

Wednesday 22 February 2017 22:51

So edgy......... herp derp I wanna burn a Bible.

Charlizard1030 15

Wednesday 22 February 2017 22:54

How about you just respect others' religions? YDI

acmariner99 25

Wednesday 22 February 2017 23:37

What you should have said: "a book about how to build a raft"

Mondays 23

Thursday 23 February 2017 12:40

Just so you know, the Bible doesn't burn wery well. A friend burned one once when we were young. But still, I hope you got the job anyway!

SKYstlimit 11

Friday 24 February 2017 23:59

if that were really the only reason you should have just said book

mrBearBear 11

Monday 27 February 2017 21:07

Why do you need to start a fire for fruit? It's fruit, just eat it. That 2nd statement doesn't make any sense to me o_O

lucasj23 11

Thursday 5 July 2018 1:17

if the trees bear fruit? what the hell does that have to do with a fire? I dont get it

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 7 311

Today, I noticed mold on my toothbrush. I have no idea how long it's been like that. I told my husband about it via text, and all he could say was, "Welp... ew." We've had a mold problem for years and I'm constantly sick. I also mentioned this and he sent me a shrugging emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 126

The Top

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 513

You deserved it 3 240

Today, I learned I'm getting kicked out of the house for NOT dropping out of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 138

Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 1 331

Today, my wife is upset at me for having to remind her of her responsibilities. She dropped the ball several times in the past, and she hates that I remind her to prepare for upcoming deadlines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 191

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 282

You deserved it 1 827

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 613

You deserved it 4 306