Embarrassing and Kids: Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my...

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 878

You deserved it 8 362

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By seethroughpee - 06/05/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 3 979

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 572

You deserved it 4 370

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 8 876

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 130

You deserved it 6 494

By loser - 20/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 687

You deserved it 637

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 328

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 3 456

Excuses, excuses

By jenn - 24/10/2021 17:00

Today, my daughter didn't clean the bathroom today, even though I told her yesterday that she needed to do it. She claims she forgot, because, she’s "slept since then.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 212

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 301

By jbhadafuckedupday - 15/03/2018 01:30

Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 084

You deserved it 445

mightymart 5

Monday 23 May 2011 12:03

hehe not so bad.. he could have caught you doing something else...

SlyTail 5

Monday 23 May 2011 12:01

Ahhh kids..

Comments

alex1432 9

Tuesday 24 May 2011 8:01

at least you woke up, some people aren't as lucky

samicna 4

Tuesday 24 May 2011 8:56

she loves her mommy

Faz7875 2

Tuesday 24 May 2011 19:15

That's what happens when u have kids. No sympathy.

kassieleigh 3

Wednesday 25 May 2011 5:17

hmm, my mom did that too the other night.. apparently it is a new trend.

SunDropGirl 0

Wednesday 25 May 2011 5:59

eh no biggie I can fall asleep anywhere!(:

envyyourlife 0

Thursday 26 May 2011 18:20

you shouldnt let ur kids in the bathroom when your naping.

greenlipgloss 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 9:27

hahaha thats hilarious :)

stepherly 5

Monday 18 July 2011 19:54

Go out like Elvis.

bigbangvip1 7

Thursday 9 May 2013 6:01

this website has helped my decision on having kids, NEVER. GONNA.

Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Kids Birthday Money Cute Weird Awkward Love Health Abuse Relatable Social Media Scams School Education Parents Teenagers Anger issues Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 192

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse, and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 409

You deserved it 8 930

The Top

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 899

Today, after a stressful shift at work, I bought three bags of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters tonight. I didn’t realize until I got home that one bag had a hole in it, and there were three empty M&M wrappers inside. My grocery store sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 75

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 415

You deserved it 3 454

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 774

You deserved it 6 058

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 340

You deserved it 13 701

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 366

You deserved it 6 019

Same thing different taste

Amplified

Excuses, excuses

Paper-thin walls

Top comments

Comments