Intimacy: Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up... - FML

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 145

You deserved it 47 281

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 5 613

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 060

You deserved it 63 992

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 7 090

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 462

You deserved it 3 171

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 2 882

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 390

You deserved it 1 114

By UnluckyGroom - 09/06/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 139

You deserved it 59 679

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 119

You deserved it 1 146

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Spicy

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 19 328

Next

Top comments

marinus_fml 19

Friday 17 June 2011 1:55

Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!

shameless58 0

Friday 17 June 2011 1:53

with herpes and a head full of regrets!

Comments

whcwtexan 0

Friday 17 June 2011 2:15

fat women need loving too...

ninjacutie 6

Friday 17 June 2011 2:18

oh cmon be nice! shes probably a good person if you talk to her! I'm not saying you have to ask her out or nothing but try and find something good in her and compliment her, make her feel like it wasn't only because you were drunk that made you take her home... sometimes a kind lie is better then a painful truth…

nissanman_fml 16

Monday 20 June 2011 8:38

Yeah, until she starts stalking you because she thinks you're interested.

stevendsi 0

Friday 17 June 2011 2:24

oooh sounds like rough fun ;)

lovinj 2

Friday 17 June 2011 3:50

agrred

FireSphinx 5

Friday 17 June 2011 2:27

did u discover the Sasquatch in your bed ?

textwork 4

Friday 17 June 2011 2:30

that's why you don't go to the bar with those kinda girls....

flockz 19

Friday 17 June 2011 2:58

is beastly ass hairy? cuz if it is then no it's not better.

Veraymix 6

Friday 17 June 2011 3:02

Beastly women have feelings too.

perdix 29

Friday 17 June 2011 3:03

Not so fast. If she regularly has one-night stands, you probably are harboring one or more STDs. On the other hand, if she rarely has sex, you probably just won yourself a stalker!

Surferbro 5

Friday 17 June 2011 3:03

Scary

johnnyredcorn 5

Friday 17 June 2011 3:04

Give the woman some credit, she probably carried you home safely home. ;)

johnnyredcorn 5

Friday 17 June 2011 3:11

home safely* O_o

PandaFlavoured 0

Friday 17 June 2011 13:23

lol. Guessing you were distracted and forgot what you typed for a second there? Happens to me all the time xD

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The Top

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094

You deserved it 5 867

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn't until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn't see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 36 044

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 815

You deserved it 3 533

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 353

You deserved it 7 007

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 085

You deserved it 3 516

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 007

You deserved it 11 614

At least he tried...

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 84