Intimacy: Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up...

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 145

You deserved it 47 281

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 5 613

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 060

You deserved it 63 992

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 7 090

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 462

You deserved it 3 171

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 2 882

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 390

You deserved it 1 114

By UnluckyGroom - 09/06/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 139

You deserved it 59 679

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 119

You deserved it 1 146

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 19 328

marinus_fml 19

Friday 17 June 2011 1:55

Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!

shameless58 0

Friday 17 June 2011 1:53

with herpes and a head full of regrets!

Comments

GuidoCheese 0

Friday 17 June 2011 9:19

That's what you get for sleeping with Chewbacca's mom. XD

apegirl907 0

Friday 17 June 2011 9:31

you loved it too didn't u

SirHobnobs 0

Friday 17 June 2011 10:34

shitLAD

Molord1 0

Friday 17 June 2011 13:10

that was srsly just a stupid and unnecessary comment. please just leave.

killer666_fml 0

Friday 17 June 2011 14:18

the best story ! good on you

demonspeed 0

Friday 17 June 2011 15:24

beer goggles do it everytime

justanotherrando_fml 2

Friday 17 June 2011 15:46

Don't get fooled, what didn't seem to harm you last night… might be something that won't wash off

katy01992 0

Friday 17 June 2011 15:56

this "FML" was a joke on Sikipedia ages ago. fail much?

kg163401 0

Friday 17 June 2011 18:08

that's not safe. :-/ your life has deep scars now

joecelticsballa 0

Friday 17 June 2011 18:41

lol

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 109

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 2 826

The Top

Today, the person recently hired to work in my spot during my days off started at a higher hourly rate than me, after I have been here for nearly three years. I asked for a raise and got a dollar more; meanwhile, my regional counterparts make 4 dollars more per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 146

Today, I held my daughter’s fifth birthday at the park. What started as a fun playdate with all her friends turned into a day of horror, when a pair of teenage boys started running around our pavillion, screaming, “Babies come from sex! Babies come from sex!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 132

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 198

You deserved it 6 261

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 917

You deserved it 349

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 784

You deserved it 17 976

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, as he'd realised that life is really short, and he's got to enjoy with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 179

Same thing different taste

Do I know you?

Giving

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