To the point

By forever alone - 14/05/2022 04:00

Today, after years struggling with obesity, alcoholism, and mental illness, I finally decided I'd fixed myself up enough to try dating. The first girl I went out with said, "You're 31 and you've never dated? Sorry to break it to you, but nobody's going to want to walk a 31-year-old through Dating 101." FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 318
You deserved it 186
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Top comments

IHaveThePower 16

Yes, they will. She's being an ass--there's plenty of people who'd like to be your first date. Forget her and move on.

18 0
Brightside86 30

No experience also means no: baggage, stds, kids. Also every relationship is different. I've spent a lot of time unlearning things from relationship.

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Comments

IHaveThePower 16

Yes, they will. She's being an ass--there's plenty of people who'd like to be your first date. Forget her and move on.

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SJKatt 15

She's not being an asshole, though. While there might be someone who "wants to teach an adult to date" or even someone who is just fine with being the one who has to teach them, that's not the norm and it shouldn't have to be. It's actually a little weird to covet being someone's First anything when you're well into your 30's.

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AlanShore 12

It's only a thing if it is put in context of "First ... anything". If a person wants to have a coffee date, or a drinks date, or a dinner date, or whatever, why does it matter if it is their first or one thousand first? OP was not asking to be taught from what I can see -- though OP may consider NOT BRINGING THAT UP AGAIN!

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Brightside86 30

No experience also means no: baggage, stds, kids. Also every relationship is different. I've spent a lot of time unlearning things from relationship.

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RichardPencil 30

You don't have to tell your dates that you have no dating history. It's none of their business. Just watch some instructional dating videos on PornTube.com or RedPorn.com to see what normal dating behavior looks like.

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SJKatt 15

Look, this is true, but that doesn't really matter. You can teach / learn on your own by doing a lot of reading, research and listening, all before you ever step into the dating pool. No one really wants to have to teach an adult to date, even if it's not that adult's fault that they didn't learn before. Luckily, with the internet and ease of access, that's not as much of a problem anymore. Just make sure you're listening to the gender you want to date about what they want, not listening to what someone who is not that gender thinks that gender wants.

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Nia5557 6

As a 31-year-old woman, I hope I can get you see a little more clearly. You have a lot that you are clearly dealing with right now and the dating scene is brutal even without the struggles you listed or lack of experience. There are plenty of woman who won’t fault you for not having a dating history, or as other commenters have said, may see it as a benefit. However, from your responses to those comments, you may want to first address a lack of self-esteem since that is what is going to hold you back the most. If you aren’t confident in yourself, the dating world is going to chew you up and spit you out or you’ll find someone that takes advantage of you for their own malicious or narcissistic personality. Continue to work on yourself for future you- for most women, that’s enough for a second date, regardless if you are a dating rookie. And to build off what another commenter said, unlearning things from terrible relationships makes us all dating rookies when we find the right partner.

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SJKatt 15

I am married and polyamorous, happily on both fronts. As a 32 year old trans man who has dated both as my authentic self for the last seven years and having had dated as a woman presenting individual before then, trust me when I say I don't need a wider lens here. All I said was "Not everyone wants to teach someone how to date, and that's okay, because it's easier than ever to do research on your own time. Just listening to the other person is a great start." and people are up in arms about it. But I'm the one who has self reflecting to do? Lol, okay. If you're hung up on the phrasing of my sentence being "No one really wants to" reread it and take a moment to understand that means there are going to be people who will want to, but it is uncommon. Which, again, is true. Sorry, I guess?

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