Money: This is why we can't have nice things.

This is why we can't have nice things.

By Anonymous - 29/09/2017 20:00

Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 196

You deserved it 444

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 332

You deserved it 15 848

By juliearis - 06/07/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 807

You deserved it 10 295

Stop! Hammertime!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 141

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 3 875

Get down!

By miss Suzanne - 14/09/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 594

You deserved it 9 683

Mr Fixit

By thanks a lot - 26/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I guess my husband was trying to prove something by fixing our dishwasher himself instead of letting the maintenance man come. He watched videos on YouTube but ended up breaking it beyond repair, thus voiding the warranty. Now we have to replace the whole thing at full price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 108

My day off

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00

Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 118

Fragile

By Ouch - 18/01/2021 08:02

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 111

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 97

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 915

mike3775 35

Friday 29 September 2017 20:08

If I did something that stupid, my wife would use that machete on me

Lobby_Bee 17

Friday 29 September 2017 20:35

He needs lessons from Danny Trejo.

Comments

mike3775 35

Friday 29 September 2017 20:08

If I did something that stupid, my wife would use that machete on me

Lobby_Bee 17

Friday 29 September 2017 20:35

He needs lessons from Danny Trejo.

Glowworm56 26

Friday 29 September 2017 21:08

Whatever did that poor couch do to your husband?

Chazzster 28

Friday 29 September 2017 21:47

OP, I am sorry - You are married to an idiot.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Friday 29 September 2017 22:01

Is your husband by any chance related to that guy who sliced his toe with a katana a few weeks ago?

azouwa 26

Friday 29 September 2017 22:29

And... that's another reason why I'm single.

exileonmainst 16

Friday 29 September 2017 22:41

Don't see the problem here. Although I'm partial to nice holes, preferably not too big though..

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 30 September 2017 0:55

I'm glad I learned responsible machete-handling at an early age

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 September 2017 1:23

I hope for his sake that something went wrong with his machete trick. He could still be a lovable klutz. If he executed the trick as planned, he’d be an asshole.