Sex, Painful, Ironic and Intimacy: Squirting the night away

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 502

You deserved it 84 215

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 8 644

By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 214

You deserved it 495 434

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 851

You deserved it 8 368

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 13 668

By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 498

You deserved it 3 282

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 40 021

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 797

By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 523

You deserved it 6 897

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 5 103

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

Comments

emmalemon 0

Monday 9 March 2009 5:40

oooohhh that's fabulous.

Gavinator1435 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:12

Dude - just find a schlong that tastes better!

xenferno 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 17:58

i hope he beat you

happa4sho 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 13:33

what if she dont want da load in her mouth i agree w/86

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Monday 16 March 2009 1:00

Hahah I agree with #6!

onluckiest 0

Monday 16 March 2009 5:13

why would you suck on a lemon instead of using mouthwash or brushing your teeth..?

Meta_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 7:38

I agree with 88 and 93. Condoms taste pretty awful and decrease the guy's sensitivity. And brushing your teeth is the best way to get the taste out.

Sterling 0

Monday 16 March 2009 9:37

Lemons sense fear....they know when to attack o.O

linzhart333 8

Monday 16 March 2009 17:29

hint: if you keep it IN YOUR MOUTH, it won't squirt you in the eye. the ******* or the lemon. spitters are quitters.

Ineffableturtle 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:05

mean girls suck, nice girls swallow

Keywords

Health Lonely Dentist Sadness Work Awkward Abuse Birthday Miscellaneous Parents Relatable Mental health OCD Love Cute Cleaning Housework Argument Kids Animals Cats Intimacy Underwear Bikes Camping Friends Vacation Boredom Music Transportation

The Top

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 827

You deserved it 1 359

Today, I was at a wedding reception. Everyone got offended when I threw my hands up and backed off to avoid catching the garter and let the two guys on either side fight for it. Nothing but laughs for the cousin who grabbed the bouquet out of someone else's hand and punched her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, I went in for an audition. Since my wrist had been in a brace all week, I felt I would be fine without it for one day because I didn't want it to be a distraction. I tripped in the middle of the dance routine and crashed on top of my injured wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 508

You deserved it 4 693

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 407

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 673

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 908

You deserved it 9 841

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 282

You deserved it 73 356

Today, my boyfriend invited me to his new apartment for a candle-lit dinner. While we were having drinks, I got up to wash my hands. Thinking that he was watching me walking away, I turned around to send him a kiss. He was spitting in my cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 77

Squirting the night away

Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

Really into it

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