Love, Sex, Crime and Awkward: Sounds like a keeper - FML

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 138

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Top comments

Chazzster 29

Thursday 20 August 2026 20:28

Run!

BurnInDemonFire 35

Saturday 22 August 2026 1:35

Did you hook up with Mark Wahlberg?

Comments

Chazzster 29

Thursday 20 August 2026 20:28

Run!

BurnInDemonFire 35

Saturday 22 August 2026 1:35

Did you hook up with Mark Wahlberg?

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Keywords

Grandparents Kids Parents Love Divorce Weird Cancer Scams Tinder Miscellaneous Relatable Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing Birthday Awkward Shoes Clothes Food Job interview Work Teenagers Intimacy Sex Health Medication Ironic Painful Bikes

The Top

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You deserved it 52 178

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

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Random

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

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You deserved it 6 605

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

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You deserved it 54 964

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 518

You deserved it 34 879

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 84

Today, after ordering at a restaurant, the waitress suddenly began acting like a bitch to me, for no apparent reason. I later found out why: most people who order that particular meal tend to argue and whine about the price. I wasn’t going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 99

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 373