Sex and Wanker: Quickie - FML

Quickie

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realised that unless I masturbate about an hour before sex, sex lasts less than 20 seconds, but even after masturbating I’m still lucky to last a single minute. I don’t know how to stop disappointing her, and she’s my first serious girlfriend. I’m pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 513

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Same thing different taste

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 105

You deserved it 335

Standing to attention

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 1 869

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 788

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 10 543

The rhythm method

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has two speeds in bed: so slow that it’s just not exciting for me, or so hard and fast, I can’t physically keep up and it starts to hurt. We’ve discussed our different needs a bunch, but so we’ve had sex every night this week and I only orgasmed once, masturbating in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 236

Fast and furious

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I once again had to apologise to a date for cumming too fast as they stormed out the door angry at me. I don’t get it, I’m in shape, I don’t watch porn, and I’ve even had therapy, so why can’t I last longer than 15 seconds before busting my load like an inexperienced teen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 258

You deserved it 467

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 680

You deserved it 29 875

Get on with it!

By QuickieGirl - 16/09/2011 11:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 383

You deserved it 6 118

Quickie

By tina - 22/11/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well… penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 663

You deserved it 384

Smooth operator

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 16:18

Spicy

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 589

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 18 April 2020 23:54

Go multiple rounds. Cum quickly the first time, and it should take longer the second, or third.

Kyle DE Hildebrand 3

Saturday 18 April 2020 23:25

Try to calm down and relax when having sex , you might want to try not thinking as much when you are doing the deed!

Comments

great_nate 26

Sunday 28 March 2021 23:42

You better learn oral.

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The Top

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 638

You deserved it 19 265

The Top

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 589

You deserved it 5 174

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 347

You deserved it 3 161

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 722

You deserved it 344

Today, I learnt that I am going to have to cut back on what is already a skinny budget to afford my kid's childcare cost increase. I earn in the 97th percentile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 242

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 266

You deserved it 24 105

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 733

You deserved it 1 749