Love, Health, Healthy Lifestyle, Family and Diets: Paranoid android

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 10:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 186

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 429

You deserved it 1 642

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 08:07 - Australia - Boronia

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 445

You deserved it 4 336

An attempt was made

By Nofatforme - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 818

You deserved it 4 875

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 121

By stillyoung - 02/11/2010 06:50 - Australia

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 4 408

Skinny Love

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me because she got tired of me being thinner than her and, in her own words, making her look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 658

You deserved it 7 416

By thinner than you - 20/11/2012 21:57 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 722

You deserved it 5 381

By Anonymous - 01/07/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 3 122

**** those dudes

By Tia - 27/10/2021 17:00

Today, my Tinder date said it wasn’t gonna work, all because, I “need to lose some extra pounds.” Last week, I'd had another Tinder date and he told me he’d continue seeing me if I dropped at least 30 pounds. I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 384

Yudith 24

Sunday 13 March 2022 17:37

Wear pro-Ukraine t-shirts. That should do it.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Monday 14 March 2022 1:36

"If I don't sleep with him that will make it less likely he'll be interested in my slutty cousin" Great plan!

Comments

Yudith 24

Sunday 13 March 2022 17:37

Wear pro-Ukraine t-shirts. That should do it.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Sunday 13 March 2022 18:54

Most citizens in Russia are against the war, ya know. It's a long-going dictatorship and they don't have much choice in the whole thing.

arioch_fml 20

Sunday 13 March 2022 19:52

Yeah, but a lot of people elsewhere are stupid. So many places getting attacked or hated on for either being Russian or having Russian in the store's name regardless of how long they've lived in the city. So honestly the shirt would probably do the trick lol. Though..... she might start thinking you hate her and her family because of it.

Nikki 16

Monday 14 March 2022 1:22

I think it was a joke

slhiggx 17

Sunday 13 March 2022 22:56

But they’re slutty. You sound horrible.

JackWood 20

Monday 14 March 2022 1:34

So your girlfriend is Russian. That may explain things. There are a lot of greedy Rusky's around lately.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Monday 14 March 2022 1:36

"If I don't sleep with him that will make it less likely he'll be interested in my slutty cousin" Great plan!

JBChristian 47

Monday 14 March 2022 7:51

When things make no logical sense, there’s something that does make logical sense. When my girlfriend/wife had affairs that they were starting to get serious with outside of our relationship, they start acting like they’re too good for you and will blame you and tell you shit to make you insecure. Then you find out there was an affair and it makes sense.