Intimacy, Kids, Sex, Relatable and Awkward: Overreaction much?

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 387

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 400

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 713

You deserved it 3 803

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 555

You deserved it 3 440

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 709

You deserved it 7 575

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 588

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 851

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 759

Don't mention it again

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 12:00

Today, our daughter threatened to throw us out if her mom asked about having children again. My wife is completely unable to control herself, and lasted a full 30 seconds before trying to restart the baby conversation. We weren’t just thrown out, she soaked us with the hose all the way to our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 1 881

By lon01t - 07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 2 640

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 426

TomeDr 24

Wednesday 19 October 2022 12:30

Bedroom doors have locks, you know. How difficult would it have been for you two to go there for your fun time?

Attacksloth32 6

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:06

It doesn't take much to wake up a toddler. Maybe next time do it in the bedroom.

Comments

TomeDr 24

Wednesday 19 October 2022 12:30

Bedroom doors have locks, you know. How difficult would it have been for you two to go there for your fun time?

Anderling 32

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:00

This is why you never trust a kid to stay asleep.

Attacksloth32 6

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:06

It doesn't take much to wake up a toddler. Maybe next time do it in the bedroom.

JackWood 20

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:17

You tell her you had an ouchie and mommy was kissing it to make it better.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:36

Tell her that you were low on air and Mommy was inflating you. By the time the kid learns that a penis is not a Schraeder valve, you'll be long gone.

Plop 17

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:59

And if the kid has doubts, OP can show the scene with the inflatable autopilot getting reinflated by a hostel is the historic documentary Airplane.

Brightside86 30

Wednesday 19 October 2022 19:49

So how do you explain that too a toddler? When 2 married adults love each other very much...

Vesi 29

Wednesday 19 October 2022 20:31

OP said girlfriend so not married.. and marriage is not required to get their freak on. TO OP: next time, adjourn to the bedroom and lock the door. =)