Miscellaneous: Meth heads

Meth heads

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 293

You deserved it 3 427

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Same thing different taste

By ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 974

You deserved it 4 697

By nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 030

You deserved it 2 340

At last!

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 199

You deserved it 2 805

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 75

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 96

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 231

You deserved it 3 403

By Joe Lizen - 07/08/2012 01:40 - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 2 181

Sneaky dad

By say no to dick - 18/04/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 740

You deserved it 43 586

Raincheck

By sadnj - 23/01/2017 15:30

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 380

You deserved it 410

The war on drugs

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 1 173

jennaleighhh 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:28

your dads retired at 58??

littlec_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:21

haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?

Comments

kicksblaza429 1

Wednesday 11 March 2009 4:44

hahahah your dad is the shit. steal his cane

802_CRU 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 4:45

#32 - I agree! that's ******* awesome, I bet you can find more if you look. :)

derriick 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:05

how do you deserve that? that sucks big time. really sticks to what this site is abizzout

artsci10 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 6:59

Your dad made the news: http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_11826197

cantth1nk0fnam3 3

Wednesday 11 March 2009 10:33

why do you have so many FML's? you cannot possibly be that unlucky

JL_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:27

Lmao! You'd fit right in with my family.

SevenDeadlySinz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 3:27

Crazy old people xP Look on the bright side...Now you're famous!

wrestler_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 5:01

Your dad is a THUG

Mrfisdead 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 5:49

I actually heard about this on the The Woody Show; live 105.3 lol i cant believe its ur dad!

91Caleb 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:27

man why the hell is he in an old folks home at 58 he should still be living it up and yeah #22 thats right

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The Top

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only woman out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 647

You deserved it 3 115

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

The Top

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 7 250

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 6 907

Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 763

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 988

You deserved it 5 800

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 3 843

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 2 921

Same thing different taste

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