Love, Awkward and Religion: I want Jesus to come inside my heart

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 933

You deserved it 40 853

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

Monday 31 December 2012 3:25

I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.

harrypotter955 19

Monday 31 December 2012 3:17

May The Lord be with you

Comments

Aliserguy 2

Wednesday 2 January 2013 4:41

may Christ be in you

Fman92 9

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:52

ill see you in hell OP haha

loccsta83 5

Sunday 6 January 2013 11:15

Sweet baby Jesus

TheMystery13 13

Tuesday 15 January 2013 9:16

Serves you right for being in church. Religion is bad for you. Messes up your mind.

xkbz510 13

Sunday 10 August 2014 21:15

LOL WELL THEN that escalated quickly...

bleedingglitter 24

Saturday 21 March 2015 23:37

You aren't missing anything. Pray at home if you feel like you need to.

FRED369 13

Monday 6 July 2015 20:19

This ain't no FML it's a WTF

GAeroNKissR 26

Tuesday 4 August 2015 5:25

that brings a whole new meaning to WWJD...

wondermoose 28

Friday 2 October 2015 10:51

May I suggest bondage in your next encounter? (;

wowthatsux53 11

Thursday 5 November 2015 3:37

I would say you need Jesus but frankly I don't want you anywhere near him

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Relatable Family Racism AITA Kids Love Cheating Work Break-ups Cute Cats Animals Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Mental health Psychology Health Cops Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today. I realized my dad is a little bit too rock n roll when he got into a pushing and shoving match with a married couple, who was making comments about how my dad’s leather jacket and ripped jeans weren’t “appropriate.” To be fair, they started it, but this was a parent night at a high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 81

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 696

The Top

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 811

You deserved it 4 903

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 602

You deserved it 4 500

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 481

You deserved it 3 176

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 699

You deserved it 2 867

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 4 174

Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 487

You deserved it 3 313