Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 475

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 902

You deserved it 6 672

By FarmerGirl - 09/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 131

You deserved it 3 691

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 00:53 - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 639

You deserved it 4 607

By love-shot - 17/08/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 036

You deserved it 7 847

Party zone!!

By helloworld92 - 31/01/2009 20:33 - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 267

You deserved it 8 109

By fun - 16/06/2013 04:54 - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 021

You deserved it 4 582

By Jules - 15/09/2017 17:00

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 364

You deserved it 289

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 843

You deserved it 4 420

By Amanda - 02/07/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 615

You deserved it 4 739

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 236

Sady_Ct 37

Saturday 11 April 2020 23:17

At least it’s not their lap!

slowhandjp 16

Sunday 12 April 2020 5:18

Did you have a party in her garden? and you got wasted?

Comments

Sady_Ct 37

Saturday 11 April 2020 23:17

At least it’s not their lap!

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 12 April 2020 1:52

We can't be sure. We can only hope she was referring to the literal grassy area adjacent to a house, and not his crotchetal region.

slowhandjp 16

Sunday 12 April 2020 5:18

Did you have a party in her garden? and you got wasted?

lifeis4me 20

Sunday 12 April 2020 20:29

On the bright side, at least you did it in a place where they wouldn’t have to touch it or clean it. Using a water hose should be fine

Wadlaen 23

Sunday 12 April 2020 23:19

Just one of the negative sides of getting wasted before the date...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's spider-infested shed where I refused to set foot, where he is constantly fixing the mower, bikes, or his car, is actually just a sound recording of power tools he plays so I won’t go down and disturb him. He has a TV, an Xbox, and a fridge in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 550

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 646

You deserved it 3 615

The Top

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 235

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 311

You deserved it 6 054

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 125

Today, before third period I went to the restroom and tried to take a sexy Snapchat video to surprise my boyfriend. My video was ruined thanks to some slob in the next stall taking the loudest most explosive dump I've ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 2 384

Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 025

You deserved it 233

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 600

You deserved it 56 760