Intimacy and Kids: Freaky

Freaky

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 05:00

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 112

You deserved it 375

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By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 125

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 444

You deserved it 4 162

By verycre8tive - 21/05/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 619

You deserved it 2 724

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 3 192

WTF mom?

By Anonymous - 20/02/2022 09:59

Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 92

By Christopher Tobler - 26/04/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 452

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 239

You deserved it 4 584

By Michael tee - 11/08/2011 20:11 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 5 026

By anonymous - 06/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 503

You deserved it 3 712

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 124

PenguinPal3017 19

Thursday 12 April 2018 5:31

Have you touched a crucifix to see if it burns you?

ThatGuy9679 13

Thursday 12 April 2018 5:21

Makes me miss the good old days when babies were delivered on the front porch by Storks

Comments

boopingsnoot 24

Thursday 12 April 2018 19:43

Looks like somebody forgot to have a Safe And Sober prom night

ARISKomuniszt 24

Thursday 12 April 2018 22:51

Everyone, it's not Satanism! The Horned God and Moon Goddess are actually the deities of a legit English neopagan religion called "Wicca". It has often been wrongfully mistaken for black magic cults and has unfortunately suffered prejudice in particular in Christian countries. Let's remember to respect it as a religious belief!

Ishvah 15

Friday 13 April 2018 10:14

Wrong, the Horned God is based off Moloch. A horned Canaanite God to whom the ancient Canaanites sacrificed babies.

ARISKomuniszt 24

Friday 13 April 2018 11:32

Well, it's also a Wiccan thing.

Surewhatever 35

Friday 13 April 2018 18:40

I think OP knows this, but chose "Satanic" for impact and humor reasons. I say good job.

circuitboynm 8

Friday 13 April 2018 3:33

“Bring me another lover!”

BLARGTEHTACO 20

Friday 13 April 2018 3:40

What do you mean fml? that's awesome. wish I could be that in touch with Satan.

JudgeComrade 17

Saturday 14 April 2018 4:57

Best. Origin story. Ever.

Davros 12

Sunday 15 April 2018 20:37

"honour". If that's a religion in England then what the hell were our founding fathers practicing that they felt they needed to start a new country to get away with it in?