Awkward, Dating, First Dates and Love: First and last date - FML

First and last date

By hairless by death - 13/08/2013 16:07 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 272

You deserved it 4 241

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Same thing different taste

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 844

You deserved it 4 420

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 251

Hey… you

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 8 123

By newmoongirl1036 - 13/07/2015 02:03 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 962

You deserved it 3 356

By Brittany - 18/06/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 902

You deserved it 38 025

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 2 626

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 768

You deserved it 3 336

Halitosis

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 275

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 967

You deserved it 3 557

By Jarryd - 10/02/2012 05:40 - Australia

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 557

You deserved it 7 491

Next

Top comments

SamanthaNGoree 10

Tuesday 13 August 2013 23:10

Was the hair still attached to your head when he tried to floss?

Dashelle 25

Tuesday 13 August 2013 23:10

What a weirdo.

Comments

reflexion213 11

Wednesday 14 August 2013 22:56

What the actual ****

lelebabii45 0

Wednesday 14 August 2013 23:55

Wow I would've slapped him

maddienoelle 13

Thursday 15 August 2013 4:41

HAHA OMG

twinkiefeets 17

Thursday 15 August 2013 7:22

At least he takes his oral hygiene seriously.

rebel501 4

Thursday 15 August 2013 11:15

Was he large dumb Hairy chest large feet carries a club. I lost my cave man a while back. He likes to floss with body hair.

Alyxi 20

Thursday 15 August 2013 15:20

it almost sounds like this OCD I once read about. Does he have OCD? if so then maybe you can work around it? If not...well run...run fast and run far. crazy really IS catching it seems now-a-days ;)

cheer21moose 13

Friday 16 August 2013 0:19

Yep. There is definitely some barf in my mouth.

Kyp_kingofhearts 12

Friday 16 August 2013 7:31

That's creepy as ****. Total mood killer.

La_Donna 3

Saturday 17 August 2013 14:23

Oh come on. This is from When Harry Met Sally. Seriously FML, research your shit before you let the fake posts through.

Colonel_Fluffy 2

Sunday 25 August 2013 6:39

Did you still like him after that?

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The Top

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 961

You deserved it 12 658

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 420

The Top

Today, I have always been terrified of stinkbugs. As I was cleaning out my horse trailer, I looked up and saw a stinkbug. In my startled attempt to turn around and run, I tripped, fell into an old plastic bin. I landed face first into a nice little pile of dead stinkbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 2 990

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 825

You deserved it 70 545

Today, I found out that a supervisor at work was rude to two brides, resulting in 30k being refunded. Instead of her losing her job, I now have to take over weddings on top of my already full workload. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 147

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 130

You deserved it 4 300

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 256

You deserved it 8 819

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 600

You deserved it 2 692