Intimacy: Communication breakdown - FML

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 618

You deserved it 10 027

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 20:50 - United States

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 009

You deserved it 4 407

By Anonymous - 17/08/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 7 980

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 874

By Gumfanatic302 - 07/05/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 132

You deserved it 3 185

By hale_551 - 11/09/2015 16:34

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 047

You deserved it 1 565

By :/ - 03/12/2012 01:57 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 105

You deserved it 3 286

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 934

You deserved it 2 493

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 042

You deserved it 35 384

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 9 580

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 22:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 249

You deserved it 29 564

Next

Top comments

tylersign 11

Friday 3 February 2012 18:57

Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.

Redoxx_fml 22

Friday 3 February 2012 19:00

At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"

Comments

coolstorybro6 6

Wednesday 8 February 2012 2:35

Good answer

unmagickalhippie 10

Wednesday 8 February 2012 3:52

always answer "wouldnt you like to know".

mrFTW 3

Wednesday 8 February 2012 7:23

The real question is..do you shave?

stefaniekate6 6

Thursday 9 February 2012 12:21

lol too funny :)

KSIEringoBragh 7

Thursday 9 February 2012 16:44

XD jeez, sounds like my entire class... Here's what you do... Ask him "Can I ask you what color your Pen is?" If he replies with a color, tell him he might wanna get that checked out before it falls off... If he doesn't have a pen just FREAK out and say "OMG how do you pee without a Pen is!" Or maybe something a little more clever. Make sure there are people around. ;)

jtaltstatt 0

Friday 10 February 2012 3:48

At least u didn't say ur dad hires ppl to do it

TriztenJ 0

Thursday 16 February 2012 2:12

I only go down if you keep the grass cut... -Wayne

writergirl23 19

Thursday 16 February 2012 21:21

Um I think he could tell you didn't know, OP

76transam 0

Sunday 19 February 2012 14:56

Giggity giggity goo!

hilary56 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 23:55

LOL that is so funny!!!!! :D

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The Top

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 437

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home, who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle at her wedding two years from now and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 325

The Top

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 769

You deserved it 18 466

Today, my idiot roommate finally realized that a girl who follows you everywhere like a puppy, always wants to talk to you, and "accidentally" sends nudes is into you. Unfortunately, she's since moved on from him. Now I get to listen to him whine about how unfair it all is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 138

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I'm partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 122

You deserved it 2 155

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 376

You deserved it 5 100

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 782

You deserved it 9 309

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 740

You deserved it 993