Intimacy: Classic

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 22 843

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Same thing different taste

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 326 520

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 749

You deserved it 6 998

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 1 954

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 6 299

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 612

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 48 116

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 527

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 9 961

Exchanged

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 842

You deserved it 22 215

Shutdown

By HighasaCloud - 30/04/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 2 538

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

Comments

keluiserious 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 11:57

hahahahaha! u poor thing.

wasitfinaldest 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 12:13

This is the best line! here Kommer du att låta mig pund ditt arsle tills du blöder sedan gå till din ****** och fan det tills du skriker i smärta sedan ejakulat i ansiktet och i munnen? Och sedan skall jag låta min hund våldtäkt dig.

wasitfinaldest 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 12:15

Jag önskar död på dina syskon och föräldrar så att jag kan våldta dig i ditt sovrum och har mitt sätt med dig för resten av mitt liv!

Michre 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 16:40

I don't get why people naturally assume its more polite to say something in their native language, especially when that person knows English. Swedes starts taking English in like fourth grade and continue all up to college, don't you think we'd prefer it if you'd just stick with English?

PissInYourAss 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 16:53

Lol , you got a funny friend.

skittlesxmonster 5

Thursday 18 June 2009 17:49

lol dude. YDI why wouldn't you expect that to happen..never ask your foreign friend for language tips... just look up slink: tokio hotel.. you'll learn your lesson

hellosailorr 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 18:04

this is much too like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where he says "exo tria archithia: i have three testicles". you dont take advise from people on shit like that when you dont know the language, so you could be sprouting the bollocks that you were. YDI.

InspiredByGaGa 8

Thursday 18 June 2009 18:46

that's a good plan. however, this girl was probably so disgusted that she didn't want to even speak to the poster ever ever again.

mattmag 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 18:09

Pft everyone saying they'd look it up first - no you wouldn't. If your friend tells you how to say something in their native language, you generally believe it. But he could easily explain this to the girl anyway. For double fun, ask your friend how to say something weird (like "I want to sew up your ******") then say it to another speaker of the language. When they look at you funny, blame it all on the first friend and claim you were trying to say something more benign!