Wanker and Intimacy: Baseless assumptions

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 12 094

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 252

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 28 100

By burnmyeyes - 19/04/2014 21:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 382

You deserved it 5 329

By argfarblewarblearble - 07/08/2015 13:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 328

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 191

You deserved it 3 223

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 063

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 515

You deserved it 64 304

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 954

You deserved it 20 222

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 008

You deserved it 1 073

By fmlfmlfml - 10/07/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 879

You deserved it 60 961

Peasanthunter_fml 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 8:31

Trying to use fml to help in your cover story is a horrible plan.

rebekahmarie 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 8:27

...So lying in your bed laughing automatically means you're masturbating?

Comments

screamo_neve 12

Saturday 19 February 2011 13:37

You should have went ahead and laughed! That way he wouldn't have thought you were masturbating... Hahaha.

cr4497 4

Saturday 19 February 2011 14:05

YDI I wouldve thought you were masturbating too

larisonr 4

Saturday 19 February 2011 14:11

I laugh a lot while masturbating, it's unfortunately a dead give away anymore.

captaincrook 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 14:55

that's funny I can imagine ur situation... though I can't stop laughing now :D

manda_baby_rawr 4

Saturday 19 February 2011 16:16

I like how OP is from North Carolina...and 36 thinks she's from Canada. I also enjoy how a couple of you think she's a "he." Learn to read please. We all learned this in grade one. -.-'

nikki898 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 18:53

how do you know when we learned to read? I learned to read in kindygarten. don't yell at me please I'm not trying to start something I'm just saying. (:D)

Bobissmall 13

Saturday 19 February 2011 19:53

I never did grade one :'(

perdix 29

Saturday 19 February 2011 16:22

He may have been wrong this time, but you've probably been indiscreet with your fapping long enough that it was a really good guess.

stewpididiot 11

Saturday 19 February 2011 17:01

WIN !!

97currie 0

Friday 12 August 2011 17:54

I know this is an old post, but girls "fap?" I thought that slang was for guys only. because we don't really make that noise...

seximexi911 10

Saturday 19 February 2011 16:24

so does you're brother read these fmls? haha because this seems like a terrible cover up story. why exactly did you have to "hold in a laugh" when you're just chillin in bed? lies op haha

st3lios89 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 17:13

u were masturbating! period!

nikki898 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 18:52

how do u no when we learned to read? I learned in kindygarten. but please don't start yelling at me I'm not trying to start something just asking (:D)