Intimacy, Embarrassing, Awkward and Painful: Ace Of Spades

Ace Of Spades

By MetalisLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 6 546

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Top comments

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Wednesday 11 January 2017 10:36

Must have been one hell of a high note you hit.

lexiieeex3 32

Wednesday 11 January 2017 10:02

In the dick, m'ame?

Comments

TheEpicKitten 20

Wednesday 11 January 2017 9:10

Might want to switch the gender on your account

lexiieeex3 32

Wednesday 11 January 2017 10:02

In the dick, m'ame?

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Wednesday 11 January 2017 10:36

Must have been one hell of a high note you hit.

niallo 23

Wednesday 11 January 2017 10:54

Don't do that. Really.

KneeGrowMancer 0

Wednesday 11 January 2017 11:01

just right in bejewels. well damn

Death69 24

Wednesday 11 January 2017 11:40

Was the song called "Ballcrusher" by any chance?

jcash52426 5

Wednesday 11 January 2017 11:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

sasquatchius 3

Wednesday 11 January 2017 12:06

<p>With any luck you hit hard enough that you never have children, otherwise it's an FML for all of us. </p>

sohigh10 34

Wednesday 11 January 2017 12:21

Wow. Kids in Africa could have eaten the salt you wasted on this comment.

Lalala579121 27

Wednesday 11 January 2017 12:25

Probably that Metalocalypse thing "Crush my Battle Opponent's Balls".

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Jewelry Awkward Fight Kids Family Love Work Relatable Students Birds Noise Animals Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Boredom

The Top

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 74

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 378

The Top

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 400

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 326

You deserved it 1 094

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About halfway through, I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 801

You deserved it 23 344

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 070

You deserved it 4 238

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 516

You deserved it 17 421

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 130