Kids, Sex, Gross, Drugs and Parents: A touching Christmas tale - FML

A touching Christmas tale

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, I brought my girlfriend back to my place, but my abusive, homeless dad, who I haven’t spoken to in a year, had broken in to have sex with some woman in my front room, before both passing out on heroin. My girlfriend saw my dad's penis and drug stuff, and left me to clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 246

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 924

You deserved it 18 636

Life imitating art, or…?

By Bik - 27/06/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 392

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 377

You deserved it 8 733

Scumbag

By old mom - 29/09/2023 06:00

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 325

Family Matters

By whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 058

You deserved it 8 661

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 073

You deserved it 8 878

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 06/03/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Spicy

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 280

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Spicy

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 155

You deserved it 6 257

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 978

You deserved it 7 499

Thicker than water

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 10:00

Today, my fiancée's druggie sister turned up, but I shut the door in her face because the last time she was here £200 went missing and my floor safe had fresh scratches from someone trying and failing to pick the lock. The argument with my fiancée afterwards was so bad, she’s no longer my fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 113

Next

Top comments

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 24 December 2022 5:51

So have him arrested.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 December 2022 3:55

Who has the better penis? Is that why your girlfriend left?

Comments

TwoBytesCarley 26

Saturday 24 December 2022 1:50

Frank Gallagher..?

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 December 2022 3:55

Who has the better penis? Is that why your girlfriend left?

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 24 December 2022 5:51

So have him arrested.

Rozay333 36

Saturday 24 December 2022 8:48

Im sorry. As someone who grew up in a similar environment, I know how hard it is to separate this bs from your adult life.

tiptoppc 19

Saturday 24 December 2022 17:34

Pretty easy. Cops and a restraining order. This very act can grant you the reasons for one easily

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Relatable Birthday Abuse Social Media Money Scams Parents School Education Kids Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Gross Work

The Top

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 254

The Top

Today, I got a 15% pay raise. My parents responded by saying, “Congratulations! You can now forget about online shopping packages coming in on a weekly basis and start chipping in for rent and utilities!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 125

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 705

You deserved it 2 728

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 405

You deserved it 3 308

Today, my boss called me a liar and untrustworthy. Why? Yesterday I went home to grieve, after finding out my father figure is in hospice, but because he's just in hospice and not actually dead yet, that somehow means I lied about his death to get a day off work. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 175

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 509

You deserved it 3 978

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 585

You deserved it 214